Scars
by pokeshadow97
Summary: Cry lived alone his whole life, hiding his true self from everyone. This all changes when his best friend Pewdiepie invites him over to stay with him. Now that he's there with him, Cry can no longer deny what he has always known deep down. His feelings for Felix. Pewdiepie X Cry YAOI in later chapters. PS I drew the cover for this :P
1. Chapter 1

_This story is a very graphic Yaoi PewdieCry fan fic so if you're not into that sort of thing i suggest you leave now. If not enjoy ;P_

* * *

Ryan's POV

Ryan clicked the mouse furiously, swinging his crowbar at the table someone had just spawned. The person above him yelled into his microphone. Pewdie...

"Get off my TABLE!" Pewds dropped a milk carton on his head. Smiling as he did so Ryan shouted "Never!" and smashed it. The character looked at the spot where the table once stood and crouched.

"We are here today to mourn the death of Rodregus the table" Pewdie said solemnly. Ryan let out a small laugh as Pewdie continued.

"He was loved by many, and will be dearly missed...especially by his wife and family, the Gonzalo's" Ryan couldn't help himself. He cracked up and laughed like a hyena into the microphone. Tears streamed down his face as the crowd of computer people around him began to write messages into the chat.

**PORTALCHICK8564: GOD BLESS RODREGUS**

**CHICKENMAN: HE WAS LIKE A BROTHER TO ME**

**GODOFWAR175: POOR TABLE**

**MRPINKIE: LOL WUT HAPPENING?**

**CHICKENMAN: IKEA FUNERAL**

Ryan finally got a hold of himself and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"You sound like your dying there Cry" Pewdie said. Ryan could imagine his smile. A little flutter ran through him.

"I'm ok, I'm ok" He breathed. A man ran past Ryan and stared at him. Putting on his British accent he smiled.

"Why hello there sir, are you here for the funeral? As you can plainly see here there is where you put the money. Five hundred dollars should suffice just about I think. Now Mr Mob boss if you would do the honours" Ryan spoke very sincerely, as Pewdie snickered. The man stared at Cry a few seconds longer. Before he saw it coming the man pulled a gun and blasted straight through Ryan's character, killing him instantly.

"CRY NOOO!" Pewds crouched next to the body of Cry and stared at the man.

"Why would you do this? Why would you kill him?" he fake sobbed.

"Remember me...as I lived..." Ryan croaked. Another bang sounded behind Ryan's red screen.

"Oh, I'm dead" Pewdie said, not really caring. They both re-spawned a few seconds later. A message popped up saying WaFfLeMaN69 has been arrested for 200 seconds.

"Was that the guy who killed us?" Ryan asked.

"Yep" Felix's character jumped in responce.

"Got what he deserved, the table hater...urg, should we wrap this up here of keep going?" Ryan asked.

"I guess so. Alright Bro's were going to give up trying now, so like and favourite if you enjoyed. Subscribe to become a Bro today. Cry wanna do the outro?" Pewdie didn't really have to ask. Ryan pressed a couple of buttons on his keyboard to change his voice then made a telephone noise.

"Hallo?" Ryan knew Pewdie had just put the mouse to his face like a phone.

"Uh hello? I'm stuck in a cave again; can you come get me out? I-it's dark down here I don't like it" Ryan's voice echoed.

"No" He laughed.

" Oh ok then...I'll just stay here then..." He then growled into the microphone like a monster. "Wait, what the hell was tha- Ahhh no god AHHHHHHHH-" Ryan cut the mic off. Pewdie laughed into the computer loudly.

"Haha, oh god, well then, it appears Cry had been murdered by a bear so... I guess that it for me then"

"That was not a bear!" Ryan shouted indignantly.

"Shut up Cry your dead!" Pewds laughed.

"Sorry...I'll be dead again now" Ryan put on his sad voice, since a sad face wouldn't really show.

"Ok then, good. BYEEEEEEE" Ryan knew Pewdie had just brofisted the screen. There was a click and Pewdie sighed. Cry logged off the game but kept Skype open to talk to Felix a little longer. Now the camera was off they could call each other by their proper names.

"What time is it over there?" Felix asked.

"Urmm...2:45" Ryan checked his clock.

"Do you mind if I keep you up just a bit longer?"

"Na I'm good, been up later that this before"

"Good, well, I was wondering...do you wanna come visit sometime?" Felix asked nervously. Ryan was shocked.

"You serious?" he asked. Ryan hoped this wasn't a joke.

"Seriously, unless you already have plans of something, I just thought it would be cool if you came over here a little while for a visit. Marzia's fine with it" Felix said cheerfully. Ryan felt himself begin to turn red, he was glad he was wearing his mask.

"I-I don't really have a lot of money..." His voice trailed off.

"Oh, that's ok. I'll get you over, no problem" Felix smiled brightly.

"You don't need to do that Felix, I'll be fine"

"No seriously it's no big deal, planes don't cost that much" He insisted. Planes don't cost much to him maybe. Felix got paid a lot for the whole YouTube thing, Ryan wasn't so lucky. He didn't really care much of course, he only made video's for fun, but his actual job didn't pay all that much.

"But I'll feel bad though, I don't like taking people's money"

"You won't feel bad once your here, when you free?" Ryan couldn't believe how generous Felix was being. He eventually caved in.

"Uh, I'm free most times. I'll just call work and tell them I'm going away for awhile. Do you have a certain time in mind?"

"Well...how about next week?"

"Sure, sounds fine...should I make a vid and tell the fans their dreams have finally come true?" Ryan was thinking of all those "Pewdiecry" story's he'd seen.

"Hmmm...No. lets surprise them. How about we wait until your here and then we can make one together" Felix suggested. Ryan hesitated.

"You don't have to be in the shot, you can keep your mystery. You can be camera man or something" Felix ran his fingers through his soft hair. Ryan once again imagined running his fingers through his friend's hair... Ryan mentally shook himself.

"Oh all right, send me the info and I'll get ready" Ryan gave in, he could never say no to Felix... for long anyway

"Alrighty then! Talk to you tomorrow then?" Felix asked.

"Yep, see you tomorrow" Ryan sighed.

"Ok bye...wait, what was that... oh ok. Marzia says hi" Felix returned his gaze to the screen.

"Hi Marzia, ok night Felix"

"Bye" With a click the screen changed back to his desktop. With a long sigh Ryan flopped back in his chair. A wide smile broke out under the mask. He was actually going to see Felix, in real life not just over a screen. His heart fluttered as he allowed himself to imagine things. Were his hands rough or soft? Was he muscley or lanky? Tall or short. Perfect or... Ryan switched off the computer and stumbled into his room. The light hurt his eyes as he placed the mask on his bedside table. Ryan ruffled his hair and looked over at his clock. 2:57. Might as well crash in now. Ryan was about to turn off his light when a flash of steel caught his eye. It was the razor glinting off his bedside table. Ryan picked it up and studied it. Still feeling slightly giddy at the prospect of meeting Felix he smiled at the sharp metal. No need for you tonight. With a flick of the wrist Ryan threw the razor across the room. With a little thunk the blade hit the wall and stuck. Ryan couldn't be bothered to pull it out so he turned off the lights, collapsed on the bed still wearing his cloths, and savoured the darkness until sleep came.

* * *

Felix POV

"Ok night Felix" Said the masked person behind the screen. Felix was slightly sad to say goodnight to Ryan so soon, but still smiled and said bye. Before the screen was cut off Felix had just enough time to study Ryan. He was wearing a dark grey hoodie that was slightly baggy in some places, his skin was pale across his hands, the only place you could see skin, and shaggy chocolate brown hair poked out behind the mask. The screen flashed "Chat disconnected" briefly before Felix turned it off and stared at the blank screen for a few long moments. He had always wondered why Ryan never showed his face, not even to him. I mean, it had been a big break through when he managed to convince him to video chat, not just audio, but he asked if he could wear his mask. Felix never realised he actually had a mask until then. He thought it was just a thing he used for his pictures. But begrudgingly Felix agreed to speak with the mask on. It bugged Felix that they had to communicate like this, it made him feel un-trusted, but it was up to Cry to decide on his own life not his.

"So did he say yes?" Marzia's voice echoed down the hall.

"Yep, he said some time next week" Felix got out of his little kitchen he did all his videos in and went to join her. She was sitting cross-legged on the couch, Maya sitting between her knees, smiling brightly.

"Got everything sorted and ready?" She said while tickling Maya. The little pug panted happily, her one good eye filled with a crazy joy.

"Are you calling me disorganised? I am very good at these sorts of things you know. It's all under control woman, calm your farm" Felix faked shock.

"I am calm! And yes, you are disorganised Felix" Marzia smiled brightly at him.

"Well it's all done diddily done so there! He's coming next week whenever he's ready and will stay for... huh, I forgot about that bit... oh well, whenever he really wants to go I guess" Felix leaned back on the couch and stretched, joints popping. "Ahh that's better. I'll call him again tomorrow to get the details"

Pushing the dog to the side Marzia snuggled into Felix's side. He wrapped an arm around her and sighed. He wanted to stay here like this forever, just being able to sit here with Marzia and playing games was enough for Felix. But he had other duties to take care of first.

"When do we have to go meet your parents?" He asked again for the third time.

"Umm, thirty minutes. We better go" Marzia pulled herself out from under his arm and pranced over to her bag. Felix groaned. He thought he had a bit more time to relax before he had to go see them. He like Marzia's parents for sure but it was kinda hard to talk to them. One, they spoke two entirely different languages and two; they don't really understand what he did for a living. They just see him shouting wildly at a screen while making weird faces...which is technically what he did but not in the way they think.

"Get up lazy bones, let's go already!" Marzia poked him.

"Hold your horse's woman I'm coming" Felix pulled himself to his feet at last. Marzia chucked him the keys and they left the house, Felix casting one last look back at his computer longingly


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan's POV

_Strong hands ran seductively down his sides, sending shivers down Ryan's spine. He opened his eyes slowly to meet the blue gaze of the man before him. Felix stared back at him with lust filled eyes and moved closer. Before Ryan could say his name Felix's lips were on his, moving slowly across his mouth. Felix's hand gripped Ryan's naked flesh as he ground his perfect lips across Ryan's. He moaned into Felix as he pressed against him harder. Ryan didn't remember being naked before, but he was now, as was Felix. And he loved it. Felix pulled back and whispered in Ryan's ear._

"You're so fucking sexy Ryan" He spoke sexily. Felix looked at him with an expression Ryan couldn't quite recognise. Suddenly Felix's hand had moved from his hip and had slowly trailed across his skin until it reached his member. Ryan sucked in a gasp of breath as Felix ran a finger along his hardened flesh.

"Do you like that Ryan?" He teased as he began to slowly rub along Ryan's shaft. Ryan nodded slightly. His mouth wouldn't work anymore; the pleasure was just too much for him. But Felix wasn't accepting a non verbal response.

"Say it" Felix whispered in Ryan's ear.

"Yesss" Ryan moaned as his hands trailed along exactly where he wanted it. Felix smirked at Ryan's expression and slowly began to go down on his knee. Ryan couldn't help but gasp in pleasure as Felix began to- 

Soft fur flicked across Ryan's face. He sat bolt upright with a start. His cat sat calmly beside him looking up at him expectedly. Ryan groaned and flopped back down. Stupid damn cat!

"Alright I'll feed you in a minute...get off my bed!" Ryan pushed the black cat off him. It gave an impatient yet slightly smug meow and padded off out the door. Ryan sat back and stared at the ceiling. _Fuck my life _. Ryan was covered in a thin layer of sweat and was out of breath. He ran a sticky hand through his hair and looked down.

"Shit" He thumped his head down on the pillow. He was glad he lived alone right now. Throwing off the blankets he stumbled into the bathroom blearily to have a shower and deal with his... problem.

...

It was about 11 o'clock at night when his skype lit up declaring he had an incoming call. Ryan had been fiddling with the corner of his mask idly when the computer bleeped. Ryan had been in a bad mood since he'd woken up, maybe talking to Felix would cheer him up. Ryan clicked accept then Felix's face appeared on the screen. Man this is going to be awkward. Not as awkward as the first time it had happened...or the second time...or the third...and everytime after that...but still...

"Hey there Ryan" Felix's face was alive and bright as he spoke. _How the hell is he always so happy all the time? _

"'Sup man, what's happening?" He tried to mimic Felix's happy tone. It didn't work very well.

"You ok there? You don't sound very happy" The smile slipped from his face slightly.

"Nah I'm fine, I'm fine. Just tired that's all" He could tell Felix didn't believe him. Thankfully he didn't press it.

"Alright, cool I guess. Listen bro, you all ready for tomorrow?" The smile reappeared on Felix's face.

"Yep, bags all packet, pets taken care of, all sorted" Ryan tried to smile, but that failed too. It's not like Felix can see it anyway, why even bother?

"Oh yeah shit you've got pets don't ya, what's happening to them?" Felix asked.

"My mum's gonna look after them don't worry. She'll be fine with them" As if it sensed it was being talked about the big brown dopey dog lumbered up and plonked its giant head in his lap. This time Ryan's smile was real as he rubbed its head affectionately.

"Cool, cool... so you psyched for tomorrow?" Felix beamed through the screen. That was the stupidest question Ryan had ever heard, ever. Of course he was excited! For the first time in his life Ryan would actually be seeing Felix in the flesh. He had dreamed of this day from the moment he had first met Felix, no matter how awkward or weird it's gonna be he will savour every moment of it.

"Aren't you?" That was the only way Ryan could really answer that question.

"Well yeah, it's gonna be awesome! I already have a list of thing we're gonna do. Italy is an awesome place I know you'll love it here" Felix looked over his shoulder at something. He said something Ryan couldn't quite hear then a second face appeared in the frame.

"Hello Ryan!" Marzia's happy form waved at him.

"'Sup" Ryan just lifted his hand slightly. Ryan didn't mind Marzia. She was a really nice and bubbly person; she was almost the female version of Felix in a way. She had a knitted white woollen jumper with a baby blue deer pattern across it. It was actually kinda cute, Ryan thought to himself. The dog in Ryan's lap gave a disgruntled huff as he realised the attention was no longer on him and trotted away.

"You excited? I've got your room all ready for you and I know you'll just love it here" She said in her Italian accent. Ryan loved European accents, there was just something beautiful about them. Especially Felix's...

"I'm sure I will. Hey Felix, what time will I meet you at the airport?" Ryan asked. He had absentmindedly began to run his thumb along the edge of his mask, something he did when he felt odd.

"I'll be there by the time you land don't worry. In our time it'll be about one in the afternoon though" Felix beamed, along with Marzia. Ryan wasn't sure why but...he didn't like the way Marzia was smiling. She was probably just happy she was with Felix...

"Great then I'll see you then I guess. I better go now, I have to leave super early to catch the flight... I guess I'll see you then" Ryan scratched his head nervously.

"Yeah of course!" Felix smiled.

"Sorry for keeping you Ryan" Marzia apologised. Her smile was so sincere...it was almost sickening...no, no thinking like that.

"'S fine...Night guys" Ryan said goodnight to the couple. Couple...he hated that word...especially when he used it about them...stupid bitch... _GOD DAMN IT STOP THINKING LIKE THAT! _Ryan felt sick now. He couldn't believe he let himself for even just that brief second hate Marzia for a crime she hadn't even committed. She was such a kind and caring person and he had just thought the most horrible thing about her for no real reason. Well... No real reason he would admit to anyone, not even himself. Ryan didn't wait for their goodbye; he couldn't bear to look at them anymore. He angrily shut down his computer and stared at the blank screen.

"What the hell is wrong with me?!" Ryan slammed his fist against the desk. Silence hung heavily in the air as Ryan sat there, breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down. It wasn't working. Ryan stood crossly and kicked his chair in hard. He stormed to his room and slammed the door. Somewhere in the house his cat gave a frightened meow.

Normally Ryan would have gone to comfort the black cat, or at least felt a little bad about frightening Teacup, but now he was too lost in his darkness to give a damn. He tore the mask from his face and threw it across the room heatedly. He stood there, staring at the ground panting, catching his reflection in the mirror. He turned slightly so he could stare at himself. He instantly hated what he saw. His reflection made the giant lump of self loathing rise forth once again inside him.

_I'm hideous. A disgusting freak. No wonder nobody loves you. You're just going to grow old and die alone like the faggot you are. Did you ever really think it would work? That maybe deep down he loves you back? What would a person like that even see in you? You don't deserve a man like him. You don't deserve ANYONE! _

Angry tears spiked Ryan's eyes as he stared at himself. _You're nothing. A pathetic loser whose only friends with people you haven't ever met!_ Except Russ, Ryan told the voice. _He hasn't met you, you moron! He's met Cry. He wouldn't want anything to do with you if he took one real look at you! _Ryan let out a sob as the tears began to escape his eyes. _Shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP! _The darkness inside him threatened to engulf him entirely, until he noticed the glimmer. The sharp steel was still embedded in the wall where he had thrown it days ago. He had forgotten to retrieve it. But now, the cold steel beckoned to him, drawing him in. He let out a strangled sob as his mind realise what it was about to do.

* * *

Felix POV

Felix had opened his mouth to say good night when Cry had angrily disconnected. He blinked at the blank screen confused. Had he done something wrong? Marzia was equally confused.

"Is he ok?" She spoke softly, almost to herself.

"I-I don't know...I've never seen him like this before..." That was a lie. Felix had seen him like this before. He knew Ryan could be very touchy. Once for no real reason, the Felix was aware of anyway, he had been like this. At first Ryan was happy, playing the game with Felix like they usually would, then he grew very distant. When Felix asked what's wrong Ryan snapped at him and left. Felix hadn't pushed Ryan about his mood since, except jokingly for a video, but that still didn't explain what just happened. They were just talking like usual when Marzia- ...Felix felt cold. Ryan's mood had changed when she had started talking to him... It wasn't...Marzia was it? No, that couldn't be it...Maybe he just has stuff going on at home or something.

"Well...I hope he can still make it tomorrow" Marzia looked sadly at Ryan's avatar on the computer.

"I'm sure he'll still come...hopefully" Felix felt something strange rise in his chest. Even through the mask Felix could almost see Ryan's sadness and pain. Felix didn't care what that pain was, he just felt the overwhelming urge to comfort him, to hold Ryan until he didn't hurt anymore. Wait what? Hold Ryan? Felix shook his head. What's that all about?


	3. Chapter 3

Ryan POV

Ryan checked one final time that his hood completely shadowed his face before standing to exit the plane. The stupid security people at the airport had made him take off his mask and put him through an hour long security check. It wasn't 'til the security guys had completely checked his background and called his doctor that they'd finally believed him and let him on the plane...under the condition that he wouldn't put the mask on until he had left the terminal in Italy. _Stupid terrorist laws... _

People pushed past him in their rush the leave the plane. Couldn't they just wait their turn! One of the flight attendants smiled as he went past. He shot her a quick look before he turned away so she wouldn't see him. He could imagine her eyes were following him as he left. He walked alone, head down to avoid being noticed or seen. It wasn't until the big sliding doors had opened for him and the sound of happy reunions filled the air did he slightly raise his head. Keeping the shadows across his face he scanned the crowd, looking for his ride. It took a few seconds to find Felix's slightly concerned face in the crowd. He began to walk towards him. Felix didn't even notice him until he stood right next to him. Don't exactly blame him, Felix had no idea what Ryan looked like and had no idea what to look for.

"'Sup man" Ryan deliberately turned his head so he faced the left, hiding his face the best he could.

"Shit! Oh god you scared the crap out of me! Ahh, hey there, I didn't realise that was you sorry bro" He laughed.

"'s cool, should have told you what I was wearing" Ryan deliberately avoided his gaze.

"Nah its fine...so, shall we head off?"

"Yeah ok...do you mind if I stay a little bit behind you? I don't want to get caught with you if a fan girl shows up 's all" Ryan blew his hair out of his eye.

"Oh uh. Yeah sure, I don't mind. I've already had to deal with a few bro's since I got here. A flight from the UK landed just before, I was surprised I wasn't spotted sooner" Felix smiled but Ryan knew what he was really thinking.

"Sorry it's just... I-I don't want people to see me..." Ryan trailed away.

"No no I get it, don't sweat bro I've got you covered. If a fan girl comes I'll distract her while you get away, I promise" He crossed his hand over his heart. Ryan couldn't help but chuckle at the sincerity in his voice.

"Come on, drive me home before I pass out" Ryan smiled slightly. Felix began to lead the way. Ryan waited a few seconds before following. There were so many people there! Ryan hadn't realised how populated Italy was before now. He could feel his nerves rising as he walked through the crowd. One wrong move or bump, and everyone could see him. Ryan's paranoia was beginning to get the better of him. He kept thinking everyone around him was staring, gazing upon him with their judgemental eyes... He was almost glad when someone behind him squealed "OH MY GOD!"

Ryan turned slightly to see Felix being swarmed by some of the passengers of the flight he was just on.

"Run Ryan!" Felix shouted over the heads of the five or so people around him. Ryan smiled and began to turn away when a pair of browny green eyes caught his gaze. One of the girls from the group was staring in his direction. Ryan quickly turned away. The other fans hadn't realised what Felix had said, except this one. Ryan leaned against one of the pillars and pretended to ignore the girl as he waited. She had light brown hair that went just past her shoulders in waves, her eyes were a mixture of green and brown and she was kinda short. The girl was pulled over by her friend to get their photo taken with Felix, but Ryan could still feel her eyes on him. Ryan played with his fringe nervously; making sure it covered his face. Ryan's phone buzzed in his hoodie pocket, making him jump. He pulled it out to see a message flashing on the screen.

**Missed Call: Mom**

_Shit...I forgot to call her _Ryan thought to himself. He wouldn't call while in the airport, too noisy. He'll wait until he was at their place...wherever that was. He stuffed it back into his black skinny leg jeans with a sigh. He looked up to find Felix and came face to face with the girl. Ryan gave a frightened yelp and pulled his hood down further.

"Jesus!" Ryan yelped.

"Oh shit sorry about that, I didn't mean to scare you" She shifted nervously. Ryan stared at his feet, making sure he couldn't be fully seen.

"'s ok" He mumbled. Where the hell was Felix when he needed him! Ryan looked over to see him talking with one of the other girls. It almost looked like he was flirting with her. Something red hot flared in Ryan's chest. Was that jealousy he felt? No, no it was not! He was not jealous of some random chick who happened to be talking to Felix.

"Y-you're Cry aren't you?" She seemed almost too nervous to ask. Ryan's throat stuck. What would he do? Deny it? Pretend to just be Felix's friend who happened to also be called Ryan? Ryan couldn't bring himself to do that.

"...yeah. I am but...please don't tell anyone. I'm trying not to get noticed here..."Ryan trailed away anxiously.

"Sure of course it's just that...oh god I'm so nervous...I just wanted to thank you" She looked away embarrassed.

"Thank me? For what?" Ryan asked.

"Well...for helping me. I, uh, before I found your videos I was...uh, seriously depressed and...stuff. My life sucked and I felt like it wasn't really worth it then I, um, I found you I guess...You, and Pewdiepie, somehow always make me smile even when I feel...well...awful" The girl's cheeks were red by the time she'd said all that. Ryan blinked in astonishment. He had had that effect on someone? He had actually helped this girl out of a depression? Ryan didn't know what to say.

"Well, I'm glad someone's free from the shackles of depression" Ryan managed a faint smile. She blinked at him for a brief second. Realising Felix wasn't going to be free of fans any time soon Ryan began to chat with the girl. They talked about seemingly random things, where they were from, what they did for a living, even their favourite T.V shows. Ryan thought it felt nice to be able to have a normal conversation with someone, he actually felt like he didn't have to hide with this girl.  
"To be completely honest, I think you're ten times funnier than Pewdiepie. You have a more...intellectual side to most of your stuff where as he's sort of more... slapstick? You deserve much more subscribers than some people. I mean, like, Marzia only has one hundred or so videos, and half of those were just of her and Pewdie, and she has nearly as many subs as you do. I think that's so unfair when you work so hard for what you got, and all her subs are just bro's going 'may as well, she's his girlfriend'... sorry i'm just rambling now..." She giggled shyly.

"Na 's fine, I kinda agree. Marzia's nice and all but...whatever...Hey sorry to ask but, what's your name?" Ryan asked the girl.

"Oh yeah right! My name's Alex" She smiled nervously.

"Ryan, nice to meet you" Ryan shook her hand. A shout came from the fan base around Felix.

"Alex? What are you doing? Come on we have to go!" One of the girls shouted.

"Fine! I better go, it was nice meeting you though Ryan" Alex turned and ran back to her friends with a wave. Ryan lifted his hand and waved back weakly, feeling his tiredness beginning to show. Ryan felt odd. Unlike Felix, Ryan had never met a fan before. The closest he had ever come to that was reading comments, and even that always made him feel good about himself. Now, he just felt kinda elated. Felix had appeared once again at Ryan's side.

"Well you look pleased with yourself" Felix beamed.

"That's the first time I've met a fan before" Ryan murmured. He blinked heavily as the first signs of his exhaustion began to show.

"Come on, I'll get you home before you collapse" Felix nodded his head towards the bag train. Ryan could only nod. Felix lead Ryan through the crowd to get his bag. Ryan kept his hood down, mainly to hide his face, but also now partially because he didn't want Felix to see how utterly dead he was. It was five o'clock in the morning his time, yet here the sun shone merrily and people chatted lividly over lunch. Ryan grabbed his little backpack from the belt, Felix grabbed his big one for him. Ryan was thankful Felix had done it but didn't have enough energy to actually tell him. Felix lead him outside into the sunlight. Ryan immediately replaced his mask upon his face and finally felt the anxiety that had been plaguing him for hours disappear. He sighed. Now he didn't have to worry about anything...He ran to catch up with Felix and followed him to his car. Ryan shoved his bag on the back seat and climbed in the front. Ryan heard the boot slam shut before Felix appeared at the wheel.

"Well, off we go then" Felix started the car and drove. Ryan tried to stay awake, he wanted to see what Italy really looked like, but the gentle vibrations of the car began to push his eyelids down. He tried to keep them open but they just kept slipping.

"We still have about fifty minutes until we get there, you can sleep you know. I don't mind" Felix said while driving. Ryan didn't think not sleeping was really an option here. Never the less Ryan felt relieved Felix didn't mind.

"Thanks Felix..." He mumbled in barely more than a whisper. He had barely stopped talking when sleep took its grip on him.

* * *

Felix's POV

Felix watched Ryan as he put his plate away in the dishwasher. He didn't like waking Ryan up once they had got there, Ryan had looked so cute as he slept... He had let Ryan put all his stuff away and showed him around the house. Wasn't really much to show but he did it anyway. Marzia had made them spaghetti for dinner that night. She wasn't as good a cook as Felix was, but she did make good spaghetti.

It was quite odd watching Ryan eat. He had kept the mask on the whole time, only lifting up the corner to eat. Felix had ignored it and tried to make conversation, the whole mask thing didn't really bother him, but Marzia couldn't help but stare. Felix didn't blame her, it was kinda odd, but she could have tried to make it less obvious.

"'K guys I'm gonna go crash before I pass out again. Night" Ryan yawned.

"Night bro" Felix smiled.

"Goodnight Ryan" Marzia beamed at him. Felix thought he felt Ryan's mood change slightly but Ryan left the room before he could figure out what it was. Felix sighed. He wished he could figure Ryan out. He usually always let people have their privacy but Ryan was different. He wanted to find out why Ryan was so obsessed about his appearance. It kinda bugged Felix a little. He was usually so good at reading people, but Ryan was like a locked book written in another language. Maybe he'll open up to me one day.

...

_Felix was walking in a field. He could smell the familiar scents of his old home and sighed. He missed Sweden, Italy was great but his heart would always belong in his homeland. There was a tree towering before him, a figure stood underneath it shrouded in shadows. In his dream he already knew who it was. Ryan._

"Finally, I've been waiting here for ages!" The shadowy figure of Ryan spoke. Felix could see he wasn't wearing his usual mask, but for some reason his face was hidden by the shadows of the leaves. But he thought he could see a hint of emerald green...

"Well sorry I was late then!" Felix replied. Ryan stepped out from the tree and grabbed him roughly

"Oh well hello" Felix grinned down at the shaggy brown haired boy. They only in their underwear, nothing else. Ryan roughly pressed his mouth against Felix's and began to kiss him. Felix grabbed Ryan and kissed him back just as fiercely. Ryan groaned under him and began to probe Felix's mouth with his tongue. A hand pushed Felix back against the tree. He smirked slightly to himself. Usually when this happened it was Felix in command, the Seme he had once heard it referred to as, but now here was Ryan taking charge. And he loved it!

Felix felt Ryan's hand dip into his boxers. Felix had to break their kiss so he could gasp as Ryan began to rub his growing erection. Felix wasn't sure when Ryan had taken both their underwear off, but all he knew was a very much naked Ryan was beginning to go on his knees before him. Ryan gave a small smirk and ran his tongue over Felix's slit. The swede couldn't help his long moan as Ryan ran his tongue along his shaft. Felix felt his member delve into Ryan hot wet mouth and couldn't help but cry out.

"Fuck, Ryan!" 

At that point was when the sleep talk started.

* * *

Marzia POV

Marzia was woken with a start. Felix had just kicked her in his sleep. Marzia was used to it; he often had nightmares after he played super scary games, so tonight was nothing unusual for her. Felix murmured in his sleep, not loud enough for Marzia to hear. She wondered whether she should wake him up or not. Whenever she was woken by one of his really bad dreams Marzia would often poke him awake. Perhaps she's better...Marzia shifted to poke him when Felix let out a moan. Not a scared one, but an...aroused one.

Marzia's hand had frozen. From the looks of it Felix definitely would not appreciate being woken up now. Felix moaned something in Swedish as he slept. Marzia froze. There was one word she did recognise in there. Ryan…he had just said Ryan. Why had he…? Marzia stared at her partner in confusion. Was he…actually dreaming about Ryan? In, like, that kinda way? As if to answer her question Felix rolled over in his sleep. Marzia could now see Felix was hard. Oh my God! Marzia looked away embarrassed. Felix had told her he was bisexual when they'd first met... but...Ryan?

_Well…maybe he's…no, if he were dreaming about me he definitely wouldn't have said Ryan. Does that mean he… _Marzia shook her head. It's just a dream; you can't always control them after all. _I mean, i've had some pretty strange ones about people who I've been friends with... _Marzia lay back down, trying to ignore Felix's murmurs and groans. It can't mean what she thinks it means does it? Felix murmured again in Swedish. After a few seconds Marzia also recognised that word too. _I think he said...Fuck me in Swedish...eww god! _Marzia had to leave at that point. It was just too gross to think about. She got out of bed and decided to get a drink or something. As she quietly closed the door behind her Felix groaned loudly. _I don't really think I want to get back in that bed now...I know what that sound was..._


	4. Chapter 4

Felix POV

Felix awoke to find himself breathless. Wow…that was…graphic… Felix hadn't had a dream like that in a long time. Why suddenly now? He looked over to see Marzia had already gotten up. For once he was glad she wasn't there. He pushed his sheets back to find his bed a sticky mess. Shit…he was really glad Marzia wasn't here now.

Felix was having breakfast when Ryan finally came down.

"Mornin' sleeping beauty" Felix smirked at the ragged figure. Ryan had a baggy long sleeved grey top on with black track pants, his hair was a mess and to top it all off, his mask was upside down.

"Hey, uh, Ryan? You're eyes appear to be above your mouth" Felix let out a little huff of laughter. It took a few long seconds for Ryan to click in. Without a word he turned back down the hallway and up the stairs again.

"Where's he going?" Marzia asked from the kitchen.

"His face was on upside down" Felix grinned.

"His face was what!? Oh, yeah right, the mask...shut up!" Marzia whacked Felix on the arm as he laughed at her. Marzia can be a bit slow sometimes. Ryan appeared back in the door frame, mask right way around this time. Ryan stumbled into the kitchen and collapsed into the chair next to Felix. Felix tried not to laugh again as Ryan's head just sorta flopped against the table.

"Not a morning person eh?" Felix smiled at the zombie. He just grunted in reply. Felix resumed to shovelling in cereal as Marzia began to ask Ryan what he wanted.

"Whatever he's having" He eventually grunted. Felix decided to stir him up a little.

"You ready for a fun packed day of adventure and excersise?" Felix swung his arm encorigingly with a thumbs up. Ryan just groaned.

"Hey Marzia? I think I'll leave the car here and walk into town, sound good to you?" Felix had a hard time refraining laughter as Ryan's head hit the table.

"Sounds fantastic! I need the excersie, I'm getting poffy" Which was Marzia's was of saying she thought she was getting fat.

"You are not getting poffy womano! But walking makes you feel some much better don't you agree Ryan?" Felix smirked slightly.

"Shut the fuck up..." He groaned. Felix laughed so hard he was nearly crying.

Felix had felt odd all day. That dream seemed to have had a strange effect on him. He found himself glancing at Ryan constantly, feeling his heart give a flutter each time he caught Ryan staring. Felix understood his own need to stare, but why was Ryan? Could it be that...? No, it mustn't be that. Ryan made jokes about women and sex all the time. There's no way he was looking at him because he liked him. And come on! They were best friends for Christ sake! Even so, Felix was still allowed to admire him wasn't he?

Marzia seemed quieter than usual too. Whenever she looked at Felix he noticed a little flit in her eyes. It was like it was awkward for her to look at him. And what the hell would she find awkward in him? She was used to everything he threw at her. Why the hell is everyone so weird today! _Ah, at least we're somewhere nice I suppose, things could be worse._

Ryan had been filming every now and again. He had a little camera he was talking to, occasionally pointing it at Felix. Felix wasn't any good at vlogging, but Ryan seemed to know what he was doing so he guessed he'll be fine. They had just gone around this really nice part of town, one that looked like an old traditional Italian place, not the modernised version Felix and Marzia lived in.

Felix was starting to feel sorry for Ryan. Everywhere they went people always seemed to stare at him and give him odd looks. He hated the fact that these complete strangers were judging Ryan like this. He wanted to go up and punch them, but of course he didn't really hit anyone, just wanted to. Does Ryan have to live like this every day? With the whole world watching him?

They had stopped in a little cafe for a drink at about two o'clock. Felix didn't want to admit it, but he hated the way the entire room people would turn and stare at Ryan in his mask. Felix wanted to take him and shield him from every one, protect him from their judgemental eyes. But...that would be weird right? Felix was confused, why was he feeling like this about Ryan? Ryan was his best friend. Normal people don't feel like this about their best friends do they? Felix certainly didn't feel anything like this about Ken or Anthony. And Ken had practically kissed him in L.A. So why was Ryan so different?

Ryan caught Felix's eye for about the tenth time that day. Instead of flicking his eyes away, this time Felix decided to play it cool

"How you doing there Ryan?" Ok, that was the most stupid thing Felix could have asked, but it was the first thing that popped into his head.

"I-I'm fine... just fine friend..." Ryan avoided looking at him.

"Cool, cool...you ready to head off now?" Felix asked nervously. Why the hell was he so nervous all of a sudden?

"Yeah sure" Ryan set down his empty mug. It was cute, Felix thought. While he had had a coffee, Ryan had sat there with a mug of hot chocolate with little marshmallows in it. _Uhg again with the cute thing... Bad Felix! Don't forget Marzia was right there watching you! Jävla helvete ... _

Felix drove them all home again. Marzia could drive, she just chose not to most of the time. And Ryan was still jet lagging, so that wasn't an option. Besides, with that mask on Felix would be surprised he saw anything at all. Honestly, it didn't even look like it had eye holes! Marzia's phone let out a little trill.

"Oh, a message... yeah I guess I could... Felix do you mind if I go visit my friend? She wants me to sleep over tonight"

"Yeah that's fine. When'd she want you?" Felix asked her.

"Tonight until tomorrow evening I think...something like that" She smiled. Was Felix imagining things, or when Marzia said this did Ryan actually perk up? No, Felix had to be imagining this. What would Ryan want Marzia gone for?

"Cool, well I'll get you there, no problem girl. Do you mind if I drop you off first Ryan?" Felix looked in the mirror to see his reaction.

"Na 's fine friend, I need to set up my laptop anyway" Ryan smiled. Well, Felix assumed he smiled. The way he spoke made Felix imagine he was though. Even as he thought it through Felix figured out why Ryan must be happy. Tonight they were going to make their video together. The thought made Felix grin too. All the poor fan girls will just be fainting... Felix actually let out a little huff of laughter at the image that formed in his head.

"What?" Marzia asked.

"Nothing...just me being stupid"

* * *

Ryan's POV

Felix had left with Marzia about an hour ago. Ryan couldn't help himself. He was extremely happy. Now he would have Felix all to himself. Ryan smiled inwardly and flopped back on the couch. He had his laptop on him, sitting on his stomach as he hung nearly upside down on the red couch. He had been trying to find something new he could play with pewds when he returned. Ryan had found a couple of good looking ones, but he wasn't sure if Felix would approve. Worst comes to worst he could always fall back on Worms.

Felix was due back in a minute, and Ryan felt a bit lost. He had done everything he had wanted to do, what now? Ryan glanced quickly at his watch. Still had ten minutes. Well, maybe just one last time. Into his google Ryan typed in the word Pewdiecry, and hit search. As expected hundreds of results popped instantly up at him. Hmmm... Images or stories... Ryan found both as enjoyable as the other, but had a hard time choosing which one he favoured. Maybe he'll read for a bit this time.

It wasn't hard to find one he hadn't read before. There were so many to choose from. He found one that caught his eye and began to read. It was one of those long one-shot ones, the ones that when into great detail over the... sexual acts. This one was surprisingly graphic. From the looks of this one it seemed to involve Ryan tying Felix to a chair or something like that and doing all sorts of things to him..._ Oh wow... geez I'm nasty aren't I...oh my god, I wish...fuck! _Ryan felt heat flooding through his body, making his cheeks go red. He should probably stop. _I don't want Felix coming home and seeing me with a ... a hard on do I? Uh god I can't believe I just thought that..._Ryan bookmarked the page so he could continue later...when he was alone...

Ryan heard a noise outside, a car door. Good thing he stopped when he did... Ryan took a deep breath and hoped he didn't seem to...what's the word... flushed? Ryan put his mask back on just as the door opened.

"Hey bro" Felix grinned.

"'Sup, everything good?" Ryan sat up out of his position so he could actually look at him.

"All ready. Put your game face on camera man, time to make fangirls die" Even Ryan had to laugh at that.

"Ok then, I'm starting in three...two...one..." Ryan pressed record.

"Hehehe how's it goin' bro's? My name is Peeeewdiepiiieee! Here with a special guest!" Pewds waited for Ryan to speak.

"'Sup guys...it's Cry just in case you didn't guess" Ryan spoke behind the camera in his hand, without pointing it at himself of course.

"So yeah! He's gonna be staying here in Italy with me for a while. So expect awesome game plays and other cool stuff. So be prepared for awesomeness headin' your way!" Pewdie pointed at the camera threateningly. "I SAID GET YOUR ASS PREPAIRED!"

"That sounds so dirty" Ryan laughed.

"Shuddup Cry! Ok now, as it is 'Fridays with PEEEWDIEPIEEE' On an actual friday this time! So I guess we can do another 'Pewds does everything...with Cry!' So let's get a crackin'!" Pewds smiled. Ryan couldn't help but laugh again. Stupid dirty mind...

"Ok well...NOT everything... you bro's know what I mean, don't judge me!" He faked covering his face in shame. Ryan pressed stop and the pair turned to the computer. Felix had asked on twitter things he should do, without telling them Ryan was here of course. A huge list greeted them.

"Okay, should we just pick at random or the first ones we see get it?" Ryan asked.

"Hmm...Random I suppose. You pick first" Felix gave him the mouse. Ryan scrolled through the list of tweets. Ryan had never used twitter or facebook or any of that social media nonsense. Well, he had a facebook account, but he mainly used it to look at pictures and to talk to Felix or Russ. One question popped out at him.

**Melanie666: Get Marzia to wax your legs **

"That one!" Ryan laughed.

"Oh come on again with the wax! These bro's are trying to kill me I swear to god..." Felix sighed. "Wax is upstairs, in the bathroom"

Ryan ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. He opened the cupboards and stared. How the hell do girls do this all the time? There was everything in here from mascara to nail polish to blush and about twenty thing Ryan didn't recognise. Ryan couldn't help but think Felix had probably used one or two of these himself. After what felt like a lifetime of searching he found it. Hot waxing thingie and some strips. Ryan had no idea what they were called.

"Lookie what I've got for you!" Ryan teased, waving the things about. Felix fake sobbed as Ryan began to display the camera on an angle so he wouldn't be showing anything apart from his hands. He pressed record.

"Do I really have to do this?" Felix moaned.

"Yes, now sit your ass down and do as you're told" Ryan began the spread the stuff on Felix's leg. Ryan never thought this is how he would first touch Felix. But hey, you take what you're given. So Ryan wasn't complaining. It gave him a chance to run his hands over Felix without it being awkward.

"Oh Jävla helvete ..." Felix was shaking as Ryan lay down the strip.

"You ready?" Ryan asked.

"No?" Felix's voice quavered.

"Tough" And with that, Ryan pulled. Felix let out a high pitched yelp as it came away, which quickly turned into a cry of pain as the area turned bright red.

"Ahh fuck me!" He cried. _I wish... grrr stop it brain! _Tears spilled from Felix's eyes as Ryan did it again. And then for a third time.

"Jesus Cry enough, enough, I'll be good I swear!" Felix begged.

"You promise? You'll do whatever I say?" Ryan joked.

"Yes for god's sake!" Felix laughed with pain.

"Well alright, if you're a good boy for now on I'll never do this again my friend" Ryan turned the camera off and helped Felix up.

"Fuck that hurt!" He complained loudly.

"One down..." Ryan nodded at the computer.

It was about 11' o'clock at night their time. They had finished filming for the day. By the end of everything Ryan had forced Felix to do a whole manner of stupid things, including becoming a cat. That was probably his favourite. Felix had put on a pair of cat ears, a collar with a little bell and a tail. Ryan had painted on a nose and whiskers.

"How do I look?" He had asked. Knowing this may be his only chance to ever say these words Ryan had replied with "Absolutely adorable". Felix had than tried to be one of those cute anime cat girl things. Ryan had to admit, under the mask he was bright red the whole time.

Felix was in the middle of uploading their Friday video, Ryan was uploading his own. It was basically just him telling his fans he was in Italy with Felix, he'll still be making videos (so fan's won't panic) and that he won't be back for awhile. Tomorrow he'll think about doing the vlog thing. Right now he was so tired it was all he could do not to collapse on the floor.

"Uhg so bored! This is taking forever... hey Ryan, can I ask you something?" Felix spun his chair around to face him,

"Yeah shoot" Ryan pushed the laptop off him so he could get a better look.

"This might be a bit rude but... do you have a girlfriend or anything?" Felix asked innocently. Ryan blinked, surprised at the sudden question.

"Oh...uh...no. Still single I'm afraid" Ryan scratched his head nervously.

"Really? I would never have believed it. A guy like you must get asked out all the time!" Felix beamed.

"N-not really..." Ryan drifted away. If only he knew...

"Well, I'm sure you'll find the right girl someday!" Felix said. _Ha _. Ryan nearly burst out laughing.

"Yeah right!" He smirked.

"No seriously, you're a great guy! Any girl would be lucky to have you" Felix tried to convince him.

"Yeah yeah... I'll find someone one day, don't worry...Marzia's a lucky woman to have a guy like you..." Ryan drifted away. He wasn't too sure why he had added that last part, it had just seemed to slip out. Damn it now he made himself all sad again...

"Damn right she is!" Felix laughed. Ryan tried to mimic his happy tone, but it ended up being an awkward sounding laugh.

"Oh come on cheer up you mopey... mopey head! You'll find someone real soon alright?" Felix smiled.

"Mopey head? Is that even a thing?" Ryan found himself beginning to grin. He just couldn't be depressed around Felix. It was just too hard not laugh with him around.

"It is if I say it is!" Felix threw a cushion at him. Ryan dodged it as Felix leapt off his chair and threw another one. He dodged again just as Felix landed on the couch.

"You do not control the dictionary!" Ryan whacked Felix over the head with the cushion.

"Oh you're in for it now biatch!" With that Felix practically attacked him, trying to pin Ryan under him. With a little "Gah!" Ryan was forced under Felix's hulking frame. The square cushion hit him up the side of the face as Felix attacked him. He was pinned down, Felix using his own legs to keep Ryan still while he pummelled him. Wack. Wack. Wack. Ryan could feel the mask start to slide up on the right side. He tried to fix it, but Felix still had his arms pinned at his sides.

"Ow, Felix careful of the mask! Careful of the mask!" Ryan struggled underneath Felix, starting to panic at the thought of Felix accidentally knocking off the mask. He couldn't allow Felix to see that! Felix only just managed to stop in time. The mask had been pushed sideways enough for Felix to see the pale skin of his right cheek and a flash of green before Ryan buried his head in the couch.

"Oh shit, right sorry! I totally forgot man I'm sorry" Felix apologised.

"'s fine, it didn't come off..." Ryan's throat was starting to choke up and tears threatened to spill over his eyes.

"Ryan..." Felix trailed away. Ryan felt Felix's hand rest on his head, thumb rubbing his hair affectionately. This was too much Ryan. _Why can't you be mine? Do you have any idea what you do to me? _He felt a tear escape the corner of his eye. It was so hard for Ryan to keep his body from shaking with the sobs that wanted to come out.

"I really am sorry..." Felix said softly.

"I know Felix... Can you let me up now please" Ryan's voice cracked right at the end. He knew Felix had hear the hitch in his voice, but the weight still lifted off his back as Felix got off him. Ryan pushed himself up, without looking at Felix at all. Seeing his face was just hurting him too much right now.

"I've gotta go bathroom...I-I'll see you later" Ryan didn't wait for a reply, he just left. Ryan nearly ran up the stair to hide, but not before Felix caught a glimpse of a tear falling from under the mask.

Ryan nearly slammed the bathroom door behind him. He was positively beside himself. He couldn't believe he had come so close to losing Felix. Which is what would happen if the mask had fallen away. Ryan tore the mask away just so he could look at himself. He knew Felix would hate him if he could really see what was under here. No one could ever love or even like this face. Ryan fell to the floor in a heap. A strangled sob escaped his lips. Ryan took the towel that had been set aside for him and buried his head in it, to muffle his pain filled cries. His whole body shook as sobs wracked his body. _I could have lost him... _Ryan couldn't help himself, he began mechanically picking at the scab on his wrist. Little tiny stabs of pain came from tugging the red mark, but to Ryan it was a good pain. With a little gasp Ryan tore away the red strip and watched as fresh blood began to well along his wrist. To think it had only just healed too...

Ryan was a broken man...

* * *

Felix's POV

Felix watched Ryan go, his heart being torn in two. He knew Ryan was crying, that much was obvious, and all he wanted was to pull him into his arms and tell him everything was gonna be alright. But that would be weird wouldn't it... Ryan probably would push him away or be more upset if he did that. It was too confusing, wanting to follow him and make it better yet at the same time to afraid to move. But it didn't matter, Ryan wouldn't even look at him. Felix saw a glimmering tear escape the base of the white mask and fall to the floor like a gem of pure crystally liquid. And then Ryan was gone. A few seconds later the sound of a door being nearly slammed echoed down the hallway. What the hell had just happened?

Felix had always known Ryan was sensitive, especially where his mask concerned, but Felix had never expected this kind of reaction. Why does he think he needs to hide? After a few second Felix slowly walked up the stair to follow Ryan. He needed to make sure he was alright. There was a soft thud from the bathroom. Something thrown against the wall probably... Then he heard the sobs. Ryan was crying...No, more than crying... he was howling. But the sound was muffled, as if he had something over his mouth.

"Ryan? Are you alright in there-"

"Just go away Felix!" Ryan's voice was muffled, but Felix could still hear the sadness in his voice. Felix flinched away from the door, slightly hurt at Ryan's outburst. Felix wanted to tear down the door and take Ryan in his arms and make the pain go away. But he couldn't. Ryan wanted to be left alone... This was just infuriating! Why did Felix have to feel like this? Why couldn't he just make himself go back to the way things used to be, when they were all just friends? Maybe it's just always been there, he's just never noticed 'till now...

Felix turned away, leaving Ryan to sob his heart out, pretending like he was never there listening.


	5. Chapter 5

Ryan's POV

Ryan had woken up on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. He was stiff and sore from spending a night curled up in a ball shape. He could still feel the dried tracks his salty tears had left behind. Ryan got up and splashed his face with water. _I can't believe I just spent the night on Felix's bathroom floor... _He reached over to the little travel bag he had brought with him and opened the container filled with little pills. He wanted to swallow a giant handful, but that would probably kill him. So he separated only two of the Anti-Depressants and swallowed them down with a mouthful of water. _I can't forget to take these again like I did yesterday... _

Ryan didn't come downstairs until about an hour minutes afterwards. He'd been awake, but just hadn't had the confidence to come down and face Felix just yet. Felix... even his name made Ryan's chest pang uncomfortably. But Ryan could feel his stomach rumbling loudly. This is what had eventually got him out of the bathroom. Hunger.

Then came the dreaded moment. Felix was downstairs eating. He himself had only just woken up it seemes. His shaggy blodey brown hair was a mess, sticking up in odd angles and being generally unrully. His eyes were all bleary and unfocused, and a big red pillow mark was running across his cheek. Ryan gulped at this...

It was already 9 o'clock according to the clock on the wall. Felix liked very much to sleep in. He was eating a piece of toast with something brown smeared across it. _Is that what I think it is? _Felix looked up and spotted Ryan standing in the doorway, staring at his toast.

" Mornin' Ryan. Want some toast?" Felix gestured to the toaster on the counter. One of the best things about Felix was he always knew when not to push things. He could tell Ryan didn't want to talk about what had just happened last night, so he didn't. This was just like any normal day for him.

"Is that..." Ryan pointed to Felix's toast. He laughed and nodded. Joy filled Ryan as he rushed for the benchtop to find it. _Where the hell did he put it? Grr...YES! _Ryan found the big jar of nutella and opened it. Ryan was obsessed with the sticky brown chocolate spread. He wasn't sure what exactly it was he was completely obsessed with, it just tasted so amazing! Before Ryan was aware of doing it he had stuck a finger in the Nutella and scooped out a finger full.

"Oi get you're grubby hands outta my Nutella bitch!" Felix slammed his hand down on the table jokingly. Ryan deliberately turned to face him before lifting the corner of his mask up, slowly licking it off his finger. Then he realised exactly what he had just done. Under the mask Ryan's face had turned crimson. Was Ryan imagining it, or was Felix slightly pink too? He can't be, Ryan had to be mistaken. Ryan turned hurriedly away to make his food.

"Mine now... all mine" Ryan wished it wasn't Nutella he was talking about. As he waited for his toast to pop Ryan used one of his other fingers and ate more of the chocolate. He could hear Felix laughing softly to himself as he watched Ryan sucking down his Nutella.

"Hey go easy on that, it needs to last if you want it tomorrow or something" Felix said. Ryan pretended not to hear him. His toast had finally sprung. Ryan covered every inch of the bread with the chocolate spread, even the crusts. He didn't even bother to cut it. Or ever bother getting a plate. He just lifted the mask enough so he could shove the piece in his mouth and tore off a large chunk.

"Pig" Felix chuckled.

"Don't care"

...

Felix had dragged Ryan back into Sienna's beautiful streets again for the day. It was good to have him all to himself Ryan thought. They could talk like real guys without Marzia around. And he could walk right beside him without it being awkward or weird. He didn't want to admit it but he was extremely happy Marzia was gone. There were at some place called... Piazza Del Campo? Ryan wasn't sure, but that sounded right. Whatever it was called, it was beautiful. There was a gorgeous old building with a tall tower casting a shadow across half the square. People were scattered about, mainly tourists, taking photos and eating.

"Americans are always eating..." Felix mused as he gazed at a particularly fat family with take away food under one arm and a drink in the other.

"Hey!" Ryan tried to punch Felix in the arm. With a laugh he dodged it.

"Not you! Just a majority of your people" Felix laughed as Ryan hit him. Not hard, Ryan would never hurt Felix, but playfully.

"My people?!" Ryan laughed. H'd never heard his fellow Americans referred to like that before.  
"Oh come on! Everyone in the world knows americans are fat and lazy" Felix grinned stupidly.

"That is so not true! Mostly..." Who was Ryan kidding, he knew about one in four people back home were overweight. But still...

They found a spot over by the square shaped fountain to sit down for a bit. Ryan was glad there weren't so many people there today. He knew absolutely everyone who walked past was staring at him. But it wasn't as bad as yesterday with less people hanging around _to _stare, but he could still feel everyone's eyes on him. Felix was really good at keeping his spirits up though, as if he knew exactly what he was feeling. He made Ryan laugh when he told him what they were doing tonight.

"Really? How's that even gonna work?" He asked Felix.

"Well, you can have the mouse and I'll walk. How's that sound?" Felix grinned.

"I'm not sure, that game terrifies me..." Ryan scratched his head nervously.

"Oh come on it'll be fun! If you get scared I'll be there to protect you" Felix blinked oddly. It sounded like it was jokingly said, but the look on Felix's face suggested some truth behind those words. Ryan was glad for the mask, it hid the red that was spreading to his cheeks.

They stayed there for maybe an hour after that, just chatting away about random stuff and sipping the drinks they had bought. The sky was starting to go orange before they finally decided to leave. Felix passed Ryan a little bronze coin. Ryan felt his heart flutter as Felix's hands touched his.

"That's 2 Euro cents by the way. This may not be Trevi Fountain but it's still considered good luck to chuck in a coin" Felix let his coin fall into the water. With a little 'blop' the coin sank to the bottom. Ryan didn't question him. He flicked his own coin into the fountain and watched it sink to the bottom and land on top of Felix's. Felix laughed, much to Ryan confusion, and lead him away.

...

"Ah ha alrighy bro's. My name is PEEEWDIEPIEEE. Here with my buddy Cry!" Pewds waved at the compute camera. Ryan, off to the side so he couldn't be seen of course, stuck his hands in front of Pewdie's face to wave.

"'Sup guys" He said.

"Today we're gonna do a co-op of SCP containment breach. I'll be here with the controls" Pewds lifted up the keyboard.

"And I'll be the mouse" Ryan moved the pointer across the screen in a random circle.

"And we have absolutally no idea what we're doing!" Peewdie proclamied proudly. Ryan rolled his eyes and clicked begin. The screen changed to let them play with the world seed and options. He clicked world seed and Pewds, of course, put in CRYISASEXYBEAST. Ryan blushed slightly.

"So we'll probably die in horrible ways. Anyway, let us begin the horror!" Pewdie put on his retarded scary voice. Ryan laughed and clicked start. He hadn't played this game in nearly a year. With good reasons! It terrified him beyond belief. It was the worst thing he had ever been compelled to play. The game finished loading and they were standing in a small cell like thing. It hadn't started like this last time...

"Wow...this has changed a lot" Ryan looked around the room.

"You haven't played this update yet?" Pewds asked.

"I told you that before! I also told you how much I freaking hate this game" Ryan grumbled.

"Don't worry 'bout it Cry, we'll be fine. Just -FINE!" They both jumped when the door opened. A man in black armour yelled something at their character Ryan didn't quite catch.

"Make us! I don' wanna die!" Felix started to run. Ryan deliberately changed the mouse so he ran into the wall.

"Ow Cry what the hell!" Pewds elbowed him.

"Sorry, that was just too much fun to pass up. Ok go this way" Ryan pointed them down the hallway. Pewds finally began to go in the right direction, following the armed guards to where ever it was they were going. Ryan could feel his heart already beginning to pound in his chest as he saw the poster on the wall for his least favourite monster. SCP 173. Or as he like to call it, banana man. He wasn't sure why he called it banana man, he just did. It was big and yellow, that was banana enough for him.

They entered a room with two other guys in their prisoner uniform. The original room he knew all too well.

"Ok we just follow those guys in here" Pewds made them go into the room with the tall yellow monster.

"Oh fuck..." Ryan shivered. The door shut behind their character. Ryan really didn't like this. After a few long seconds the door behind them gave a buzz. Ryan didn't have to turn around to know it had opened.

"Pewdie, go back...go! For Christ sake move!" The light was about to flicker, if they didn't leave the thing would get them.

"Ok ok I'm going. Why'd you want me to-" Pewds cut off his words as the light flickered. The guy who had been standing next to them a few seconds before was dead.

"Oh shit...OH SHIT!" Felix backed away. The light flickered and the second guy was dead. For maybe three seconds they stood, staring at banana man. Then bang, the thing had killed the guy on the ledge with the gun and the room went dark.  
"Well...maybe I should listen to you more often Cry...maybe" Pewds smirked. This was going to be a long night...

...

Ryan's heart was racing. He and Felix had managed to figure out a good system of controlling the screen. The only problem was Felix often chose to ignore Ryan's advice. Right now Ryan knew that there was almost certainly an SCP in the next room, he could see the moniter, but Felix wouldn't stop.

"I told you, we'll be fine Cry. Don't worry 'bout it" Pewds said.

"No offence, but I am worrying. A lot. I can tell we're screwed if we do this, go the other way. NO THE OTHER WAY PEWDIE!" Cry nearly screamed as Pewds made them turn into a corridor with the monitor in the wall. Ryan made them look at it.

"Shit see I told you so! Banana man's in there!" Ryan pointed them away.

"Banana man? What the fuck is a banana man?!" Pewdie laughed. Ryan opened his mouth to talk, but the sound of an opening door stopped him. Ryan didn't want to, but just like in slender, he had to turn and see. **BOOM! **Ryan screamed, threw the mouse away, and dove at Felix. Felix had screamed as well and crushed Ryan into him. **SNAP**. The character fell to the ground dead, the bloody yellow face standing over them. Ryan was shaking. That was the worst scare he had ever had. He buried himself in Felix's protective arms, breathing in his comforting scent, waiting for his heart to slow.

Wait a minute... Felix was hugging him back. Nearly as hard as Ryan was hugging him. And Felix wasn't even shaking. Why would...? Was he really...? No. Ryan was kidding himself. Felix was just comforting a scared man...not hugging him properly. With feeling like Ryan. And that made Ryan want to cry again. _Why can't I just let you know...without you hating me forever... I think the drugs may have worn out... _

"You alright Ryan?" Felix asked softly. Ryan...not Cry...Ryan. This for some reason made him want to cry and smile at the same time.

"Yeah...just scared me 's all...I'll be alright in a second..." Ryan wished he didn't have to stop. He never wanted to leave these arms ever again. But he couldn't. So he begrudgingly pulled away.

"Note to self brochachoes. Never ignore the wisdom of Cry... Well then. I guess we'll end it here then. Leave a like and favourite if you enjoyed, subscribe to become a bro today and I'll see you in whatever I make. Stay awesome my Bro's. Brofist" Felix lifted his fist up. Ryan copied him.

"BYYYEEEEEEE" They bumped the screen with their fists. Felix hit a button and the recording was over for another night. Ryan sighed. Felix would probably make him do this again tomorrow too wouldn't he...?

"Fuck that was terrible" Felix grinned.

"Told you I hated that game..." Ryan pressed quit and Felix's desktop returned to normal.

"No kidding...Well...Uh...now that that's done...Can I...uh... hur man sätter detta?... Var inte en fegis Felix ..." He scratched his head nervously.

"I have no idea what you're saying Felix" Ryan smiled slightly beneath the mask.

"Just follow me ok?" Felix stood and walked through the doorway. Ryan followed him confused. Had he done something wrong? Felix was standing in the lounge room bitting his lip. Ryan sat on the couch and watched as Felix began to pace nervously.

"You ok Felix?" Ryan asked slightly concerned.

"Ryan... I'm going to ask you something...something really weird. Can you please promise me you'll answer me truthfully?" Felix looked at the mask with an odd look in his eyes.

"Uh, yeah sure. What do you want to know?" Ryan was starting to feel his anxiety twitching in his fingers. It's going to be something bad isn't it? He should never have hugged him like that, now he's going to tell him to leave here and go home. Ryan was suddenly scared. More so than playing that stupid horror game.

"Eh ... sluta vara en fegis Felix och bara göra det! Vad finns det att förlora? Ok, please tell me the truth here Ryan...this is really important to me...FAN! Alright look Ryan I want to know, do you like me?" Felix looked at Ryan, the most serious look he had ever seen on Felix's face. Ryan had gone cold. Was he asking what Ryan thought he was asking? No, it was impossible. This had to be some sort of a weird joke right?

"W-what d-do you mean Felix?" Ryan stuttered.

"I mean. Do you like me?" He continued to stare at Ryan hard. Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Why, why now! Why ever! Ryan had never counted on this. He thought his secret would be safe and he would never have to deal with it again, ever. He had to find a way out of this...

"Of course I like you Felix! We've been friends for years haven't we?" Ryan was painfully aware of the fact his voice was quavering. _GEE THANKS BODY! YOU'RE A REAL HELP AREN'T YOU! _

"You know that's not what I mean Ryan. Just, please, I need to know!" Felix sounded almost desperate. Ryan was shaking. No escape...

"...Felix I... well I..." Ryan felt like he was choking. He couldn't make the words come out. Felix took this the wrong way. He nodded sadly.

"I thought so... Jag vet inte varför jag ens brytt sig ... I won't bother you again" Felix began to walk away a look of sheer disappointment and sadness etched on his usually bright and happy features.

"Wait!" Ryan called after him. Felix stopped.

"I...I don't know why you want to know this or why it means so much to you but... I can't stand to see you hurt. I would do anything to see you smile Felix... On the days I don't even want to get out of bed and the thought of speaking to another human being makes me want to just die you make me feel happy again. Without you in my life...heh...I probably wouldn't even be here" Ryan nervously ran a thumb down his right arm.

"Before I met you, the whole YouTube thing was a weak distraction to try and get away from everything. And it wasn't really working. There are things in my past that made me want to...to...die... You make me feel alive Felix... You saved me. I'm not sure if this is what you were expecting me to say but... I...I... have more than...friend feelings for you..." Ryan felt like he was about to cry, yet at the same time a great weight had been lifted from his chest. He'd done it. He'd finally done it. Ryan had told Felix the truth at last.

Felix just stood there transfixed. Ryan's heart fell. Had Felix actually meant something else when he asked that, and now had completely freaked out over Ryan's confession? Oh god. Had Ryan fucked up? He wanted to say something, laugh it off as a joke or something, but he couldn't. No more lies.

"Ryan...?" Felix's voice was so quiet Ryan had only just caught it.

"Y-yes?" Ryan asked softly. Felix walked slowly, as if he was wearing cement shoes, and stopped in front of Ryan. For the three longest seconds of Ryan's life they stood there. Felix's pale blue eyes and shaggy blondey brown hair only centimetres away from his masked face. And then... He said it.

"Me too. I'm not sure why but...whenever I hear your voice or see that mask of yours...hell, even when I look at your avatar, I feel happier than I have ever felt before in my life... I wanna try something but... I know you won't like it" Felix laughed shakily.

"What is it?" Ryan asked.

"Well... I kinda want to...kiss you please Ryan" Felix looked up hopefully. Ryan's heart stopped. Felix...had asked...to kiss him... And this made Ryan want to cry. He would give anything to do it. He had dreamt of this moment his entire life... but there was no way he could take the mask off.

"I...can't"

* * *

Felix's POV

"But...Why?" Felix asked. Felix couldn't comprehend why he had said no. Ryan had just outright admitted he wanted to do it. So why had he said no?

"I... can't take off the mask Felix..." Ryan turned away.

"Why not? If you just tell me why I'll understand Ryan" Felix tried to touch him, but Ryan backed away.

"Felix please... just believe me... I really can't. You don't want to know what's underneath" Ryan held his head in his hands and sat back down on the couch. Felix knelt in front of him. His heart felt like it was being crushed. Ryan didn't deserve to feel so sad, especially after just telling him all that.

"I don't care what's underneath Ryan...please...take it off" Felix pleaded with him.

"I-I just...can't. You'll hate me, just like all the others" Ryan throat close over. Felix could hear the tears beginning to form behind the white mask. He took Ryan's hand in his own and rubbed it affectionately, trying to convey his feelings into him.

"There is nothing you could ever do to make me hate you Ryan. How am I supposed to have feelings for you when I don't know who you are? Please I just-"Felix stopped. His hand had been brushing up Ryan arm when he felt it. Ryan flinched slightly and hung his head. Slowly Felix pulled the sleeve up... Felix's breath caught in his throat. The entire inside of Ryan's arm was covered in cuts, ugly pink scars marking his otherwise perfect skin. Some were old, maybe even years old, but others like the one he had noticed first were very recent. In fact...this one was fresh... had he done this last night? He ran his thumb over Ryan's wrist and thought, 'What if I was the cause of one of these?'

Ryan shivered; Felix could tell he was on the verge of tears. Without waiting to ask, Felix lifted his hand to Ryan's face and grasped the corner of the white plastic. Ryan deliberately looked away as Felix lifted the mask.

Felix stared at the boy underneath. Ryan had bright emerald green eyes, partially hidden behind his soft scruffy chocolate colored hair, snowy pale skin, soft pink lips and... Felix inhaled sharply. A long jagged line ran from the skin below his left eye, across his cheek and ended at his jaw one point in the middle, there seemed to be a harsh, almost gouged out section, as if whatever that had done this had twisted into his cheek. It was harsh and obviously done with the explicit contention to cause him pain. Seeing the look of Felix's face Ryan began to softly speak, voice quivering as he did so.

"W-when I was 15 I was walking home alone. I-I wasn't paying attention to anything else around me so I... I didn't notice the guy behind me until it was too late. He grabbed me... and he took me... he did things Felix. He hurt me. I didn't have a choice!... he ...raped me... and I tried to escape. I bit his fucking dick and ran for the door... but he caught me. He grabbed me and, he had a knife he had been using to threaten me. I didn't think he would actually do it! He slashed it down my face, dug it into my bone... leaving me with, with, this!" Ryan hid his face in his hands, tears spilling from his eyes. Felix couldn't speak. How could you do that to another human being? A kid at that!

"Then...He... he did it again...he violated me twice...and then he...when he heard the sirens he just... he stabbed me, right here, and left me for dead... the police... they found me. Took me to hospital... and locked that fucker away... That's why I where the fucking mask. Because every time someone sees this they judge me! They can see me for the freak I am!" Ryan was only just managing to hold back his sobs. Felix was too stunned to move. Ryan took this silence the wrong way.

"Well go ahead! Be just like the rest of them! Tell me what a fucked up little freak I am! Tell me, tell me I'm a retarded, emo, faggot with no life! Tell me what a gay little nancy boy I am and I should just go and fucking kill myself! Tell me I-" Felix stopped him. He grabbed Ryan's hand, pulled them away from his face, and moved closer. Ryan blinked for a second, not understanding. Felix smiled and placed his lips softly over Ryan's. A tear fell from Ryan's cheek and landed on Felix's hand. Ryan had frozen there, not knowng what to do. Felix pulled away and whispered.

"You couldn't be more perfect"

Ryan stared up into Felix face with red eyes. He could tell that Ryan wasn't expecting him to say that. He expected Felix to hate him now, just as all his old friends, his family...the world had once done. Felix bent down and placed his lips softly against Ryan's scar, the scar that had caused Ryan so much heart ache, so much sadness and so much hatred. The moment Felix's lip touched that mark Ryan let out a strangled sob.

Felix slowly started to roll up Ryan's sleeves and ran a delicate caress across the marred skin. Ryan's left arm was covered in short little slashes, some deeper than others, at one point the scars made an X in his skin. His right however bore the mark of a man who had tried to take his own life. A deep long line ran just adjacent to his artery, nearly reaching his elbow, joining the other slashes and stabs like a game of snakes and ladders gone horribly wrong. One centimetre more and he would have been dead. Felix wrapped his strong arms around Ryan's skinny frame and held him.

Ryan fell apart in Felix's hands. Tears streamed down his face as Ryan pressed himself into Felix's warm body. Ryan had always dreamed of doing this, yet that just made him heave harder. Felix let Ryan cry his heart out on to him. He didn't want him to suffer anymore. Felix could feel how badly Ryan needed to let go. He could feel every little tear and every little sob needed to be released. So he let him. He held Ryan close and let him break down into him. Felix held him to his chest and tried to give Ryan some of his love, his care, his affection, something to make him stop feeling this way. And he could feel it kinda working.

Felix couldn't help but notice how perfectly Ryan fitted into his arms, more so even than Marzia... They stayed in each other arms for what felt like an eternity before Ryan's tears stopped. He sniffed and pulled back.

"Sorry about that man, I'm just all over the place at the moment" Ryan apologised; sounding like the Cry Felix knew and loved.

"Don't be" Felix smiled. Felix's heart fluttered as he drank in Ryan's heavy sent. Felix could feel himself going red. He slowly leant down and kissed Ryan's soft pink lips. Just a small one, he didn't want to force anything on Ryan. Ryan was shaking under him. Maybe Felix had been too rash. After all, he'd just told him he'd got sexually assaulted as a kid, kissing was probably the last thing on Ryan's mind. But this world was always full of surprises, as Felix found when Ryan pulled him closer and tried to deepen the kiss.

Felix grunted with surprise as Ryan sucked on his bottom lip. Felix hadn't expected that at all... He grinned to himself and began to kiss him back hard. Felix locked a hand in Ryan's messy hair and ground his mouth against the others. Ryan let out a soft moan and let Felix open his mouth and push his tongue inside. He felt Ryan shiver as Felix began to explore inside him, tasting every inch of him. Felix loved the feel and the taste of Ryan's mouth. It was soo much better than kissing Marzia. Marzia's lips may have been soft and sweet, but Ryan's were much more talented. They were tender, yet at the same time they were strong. They were lips that could turn from Uke to Seme in the blink of an eye. And he loved it!

Felix felt siverrs go up his spine as he felt Ryan's fingers trailing along the back of his neck. He pulled Ryan closer, determined to press himself against the American as much as he could. Ryan seemed to enjoy this. He wrapped his arms around Felix's neck and moved his lips in time with the Swede's. Felix grinned.

Heat was flooding Felix's body, burning through his veins, making him just want to leap up and attack Ryan. But he'd probablt get into trouble for that... wrong. Ryan moaned and started to fight back, attempting to push Felix's tongue back and get into his mouth. _Heh, sorry Bro. You're mine! _Felix began to run his hand slowly up the inside of Ryan's thigh. He felt him gasp as he ran his hands back and forth, making Ryan squirm under his fingers.

Felix felt tingles travel up his spine as Ryan's hand trailed up to his silky hair and began to play with a strand. No one had ever done that before... and Felix loved it. He made a happy sounding noise as Ryan ran his fingers through his hair, playing with the soft locks. Ryan was trying very hard to beat Felix's wresteling tongue, god knows he was, but Felix wawsn't going to let that happen. Ryan was _his _tonight. He pushed Ryan back onto the couch placed his knees either side of Ryan's hips. He wasn't exactly straddling him compleatly, he had left a tiny gap between them in case Ryan didn't like it. But he needednt have worried. Ryan grabbed Felix by the top and pulled him back to his lips.

Ryan sucked in a gasp of breath as Felix slowly began running his lips along the skin of his neck. Felix was starting to become aware of the heat flowing through him, making his pants seem uncomfortably tight. Ryan's hand found the hem of Felix's shirt and ran his hands over his stomach muscles. Felix grinned and ran his hand straight up Ryan's thigh, stopping only millimeters away from his crotch. Ryan let out a gasp as Felix edged closer and closer... _Guess i'm not the only one having problems i my pants _. Felix smirked and deliberately sucked hard on the side of his neck. Ryan let out a tiny whimper as the area immediately turned red. Felix saton Ryan's lap, feeling him trailing his hands up his chest until he found his hard lumps. Felix let out a gasp as Ryan began to flick his nipples. Felix let out a moan and captured Ryan's mouth once more, forcing his tongue inside. Ryan began tugging at Felix's shirt hesitantly, wanting to feel the naked muscles underneath but not sure if he was allowed to or not. Felix smirked and ran his tongue along Ryan's bottom lip. He got the message. Ryan began to pull the matirial up along Felix's mucles slowly. His shirt was nearly off when they heard it.

"Felix?!" Marzia's startled voice pierced the room. Oh shit...

* * *

Translations:

Var inte en fegis Felix ... Don't be a coward Felix

Eh ... sluta vara en fegis Felix och bara göra det! Vad finns det att förlora? - Eh ... stop being a coward Felix and just do it! What is there to lose?

Jag vet inte varför jag ens brytt sig ... I don't know why I even bothered.


	6. Chapter 6

_Authors note:_

_I've read all your reviews saying how you were all crying when you found out what happened to Ryan. Well... if that is true i'm probably about to kill you. This next chapter is gruesome and horrible and it may make you want to cry. I'm sorry..._

* * *

__Ryan's POV

Felix leapt off Ryan in a flash, quickly brushing down his shirt that had ridden halfway up his stomach. Ryan reached for his mask, only to find it missing. Felix must have thrown it away somewhere... god damn it Felix!

"Marzia! I-Uh-this isn't what I looks like!" Felix stammered. Panic filled Ryan as he desperately searched for his white protection. He was facing away from Marzia but she was about to turn her gaze onto him. He couldn't let her see him without his mask! In sheer desperation he buried his face into the couch.

"What is going on here I-... is that Ryan?' He could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head. Ryan shifted so his right eye poked out just enough to see. Marzia was staring between the two with shock and disbelief. The poor Italian girl was dumbfounded. Should he say something? Or was it safer to keep quiet.

"I should have known, all that talk in your sleep, I just didn't think you would actually..." Tears were forming in her eyes.

"Fan, Marzia I am so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen this way I just..."Felix trailed off, not knowing where to go.

"Gli uomini sono tutti uguali!" Marzia spat in Italian and stormed for the door.

"Marzia wait where are you-" Marzia slammed the door in Felix's face. He stared at the wood in stunned silence.

"Vad fan har jag gjort!" Felix smashed his fist hard against the wall. Ryan plucked himself out of the couch and watched Felix began to bang his head against the wall. He felt like he should say something but had no idea what. Felix continued to mutter to himself in Swedish. Ryan had no idea what he was saying; only managing to pick up his own name and Marzia's as English and the occasional swear word he had learnt from listening to his videos. Felix's hands were running feverishly through his hair as he paced back and just sat there and watched the Swede, unsure what to do... Felix eventually stopped and collapsed onto the couch next to Ryan.

Ryan tried to say something to comfort the man, but no matter how hard he tried his lips just wouldn't move. He felt so guilty. He had just broken Felix and Marzia up, and he felt slightly happy about it. How cruel is that? Ryan felt slightly giddy at the idea that Felix was now single, yet at the same time disgusted that he could even think like that. Ryan was still trying to figure out what to do when Felix placed his head on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan's mind unstuck itself at last. He carefully wrapped an arm around Felix's shoulder. When Felix didn't flinch or pull away Ryan lowered his head and rested it on Felix's. Ryan could feel something wet drip onto his arm. Felix had salty tears leaking from the corner of his eyes. He bit his lips hard as he tried desperately not to cry.

"Ledsen du var tvungen att se till att..." He spoke softly in his language.

"Felix. I have no idea what you just said" Ryan's body jerked with a single huff of laughter.

"Right, I forgot... I said sorry you had to see that..." Felix sniffed.

"Don't apologize Felix. Everything's going to be alright" Ryan pulled him in close and sighed. "Today's been a very odd day..."

"Heh...you could say that..."

...

"Hey, I'm gonna be upstairs for a bit if that's ok with you" Ryan asked politely, a gentle tone to his voice. It had been maybe two or three hours since Marzia left, the sun had set and night was slowly progressing. Felix had just sat there on the couch the entire time, sometimes looking sadly at the door, others just staring off into space thinking. Which is what he had been doing before Ryan had eventually spoken.

"Oh, um, yeah yeah go for it. I'm not stopping you" Felix blinked with an obviously fake grin.

"Alright cool, call me if you need anything" Ryan said and began to walk up the five or so steps that were the stairs.

"Will do" Felix said half heartedly. Ryan left Felix on the couch, he knew he wanted to be left alone for a bit, so Ryan walked down the hall and slipped silently into his room. Once inside, Ryan turned his attention to his bag and began to rummage through it. He'd bought something while out exploring earlier that day without Felix knowing...where the hell is it...aha! Ryan smiled triumphantly, bottle in hand. He had brought a thing of Vodka at one of the shops in the square. He wasn't going to go over the top, just a little taster.

Ryan brought the glass rim to his lips and took a long gulp. He loved vodka, as his fans well knew, but he wasn't a stranger to what would be considered girly drinks. He liked their flavor, it wasn't his fault they had funny names... Ryan took another gulp, feeling the alcohol burn a path down his throat.

His brain was a complete mess. Ryan had just kissed the guy he had loved for years. And he had no idea what to do now. Ryan wanted to go down there and attack Felix, but Felix had just gotten dumped so that was probably the absolute last thing on his mind right now. So instead he took a long draw on the burning liquid and got on his laptop for a bit. Maybe Russ was on or something... Ryan reached over to the bedside table and pulled out his black rimmed glasses. He only needed them for reading, so he didn't wear them all the time, but he liked his glasses. They looked cool, thin black rim, shiny clean glass, if only he could do that glinty thing like in animes...

For maybe twenty or so minutes Ryan had been checking his Youtube account, looking at PM's, recent comments, what the other's had been up to. But it was all just the same old thing, nothing all that new or exciting... until he noticed one thing...

**Pokedoom97: Hey there Cry, I don't know if you remember me or not, but this is Alex from the airport. Just want to say thanks again for talking to me, it was cool ^_^ BTW none of my friends will believe me about meeting you, they think i'm making it up . **

Ryan smiled as he read it. _How could I not remember? It had only been about two or three days ago. My memory's not that bad is it? _Ryan made a decision. Tomorrow when he did his next video, he'll do something to say hi to her...hmmm...

Ryan began to type back a quick message.

**ChaoticMonki: Well then tell them to go get stuffed :P jokes, don't do that. Tell your friends to watch tomorrows video. And tell them to keep an eye out for this, I always wear a black Onyx ring on my middle finger. I'm going to deliberately show this off so tell them about it tonight. They're going to be confused as hell ;P**

_There, now tomorrow I'll have to remember that... Well, one good thing done today at least... now what? _

Ryan decided to check his Skype and see if Russ was on, it was midmorning back in America so...Russ could still be asleep...worth a shot. Almost the second the computer had loaded the little icon beeped showing he had three new messages. He opened it and smiled. Russ was up.

**Ru$$ Money: Yo Cry man, what's Italy like? **_Recived 10:36 PM _

**Ru$$ Money: Hellooooooo? You there cry?!** _Recived 10:45 _

**Ru$$ Money: Y U NO TALK! **_Recived just now_

That one had just come through. Ryan messaged back eventually.

**ChaoticMonki: Sup russ**

Ru$$ Money: YAY CRY!

ChaoticMonki: What do you want russ, I'm tired

Ru$$ Money: How's your time with pewds goin ;)

Ryan rolled his eyes. Russ was the only person Ryan had ever told about his... sexual orientation. Russ had figured the rest out from there.

**ChaoticMonki: Fine... **Ryan didn't want to go into detail, even if it was Russ. He had other ideas...

**Ru$$ Money: Details man! We haven't spoken in ages I need to know everything! What u been up to?**

ChaoticMonki: Went out, saw some shit, made some video's, same old same old

Ru$$ Money: I can tell your hiding something Cry Cry ;P

ChaoticMonki: I am not!

Ru$$ Money: TELL ME PLEASE!

ChaoticMonki: It's not something you want to hear...

Ru$$ Money: YES IT IS! 

Ryan rolled his eyes. He wasn't gonna let this rest was he...

**ChaoticMonki: Fine. Don't tell anybody though. Ever.**

Ru$$ Money: Pinkie swear! Now spill the damn beans!

ChaoticMonki: Fine... you know about that thing I told you awhile ago.

Ru$$ Money: That you had a crush on a certain someone ;)

ChaoticMonki: ...yes that...it happened. Ryan felt shy just writing it.

**Ru$$ Money: NO FUCKING WAY! DID YOU REALLY!**

ChaoticMonki: Yep...well, technically he started it

Ru$$ Money: That is sooo cute :3

ChaoticMonki: Shut up...it's not as great as it sounds...Marzia walked in.

Ru$$ Money: Shit man! What'd she do?

ChaoticMonki: ...Lets just say there is no more Cutiepie...

Ru$$ Money: DID YOU FUCKING KILL HER! THAT'S A BIT HARSH ISN'T IT!

ChaoticMonki: I didn't kill her you retard! I'm not that psycho. She left him. I feel so fucking guilty man. 

Ryan sighed. He still couldn't believe he had broken them up like that. I mean, I wanted them to break up so we could be together, but I didn't think it would actually happen let alone like that...

**Ru$$ Money: Shit man**

ChaoticMonki: I know. I have no idea what to do now Russ

Ru$$ Money: Well...uh...is he ok?

ChaoticMonki: Not really, he's downstairs on the couch. I thought I better leave him alone for awhile

Ru$$ Money: Ok I don't know if it's much different to guys breaking up as it is for chicks but I know the person dumped because they love someone else doesn't want to suffer that alone. Get your ass back down there now Mr!

ChaoticMonki: Oh shit ok. BRB

Ru$$ Money: No you won't. Just go! 

Ryan shut the computer and raced back downstairs. It seemed so damn obvious now, he should have stayed with him the whole time not left to go play on the computer. He bounced down the steps and ran back to the couch.

"Felix? I'm sorry I..." Ryan trailed off as soon as he saw the blonde. He was fast asleep on the couch, body twisted in a weird angle that was apparently comfortable. His headphones lay discarded on the coffee table, along with his phone. His light brownish blonde hair was hanging just above his darkened eyes, looking like golden silk from some sort of royalty. Felix's face was pressed in a very slight frown as he dreamed. His chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm as he slept. Felix looked almost ten years younger. Ryan smiled. He looked so cute... Felix muttered something in his sleep, Swedish of course so Ryan had no idea what, and shivered. _Oh...he's cold... _

Ryan went back upstairs to Felix's room. He'd never been in there before, but he guessed Felix wouldn't mind. Ryan stepped through the door and looked around. It was obvious who's side of the room was whose. Marzia's side was a clean, pristine white white. Photo's of the pair sat on her little bedside table along with a little alarm clock shaped like a heart. She had what looked like very expensive fashionable cloths hung up from their open wardrobe. Felix's side on the other hand was a complete mess. Clothes littered the floor beside the bed, there were a couple of wrappers from some sort of Italian lollies and a big stuffed pug toy along with a zombie pig thing sat on his pillow. Shoved into every shelf was some fan made item. A small toy chair, a painted gold Stephano statue, a blow up barrel, a painting shoved into the corner of the room and about ten different hats and beanies in odd places. Ryan shook his head with a smile and pulled the blanket off the bed.

Ryan went back downstairs dragging the blanket behind him. Felix was still fast asleep on the couch. Ryan carefully, so as not to wake him, put the blanket over him. Gently he pulled it up so it rested over him completely. He moved his hands with a delicate precision, determined not to disturb Felix's slumber. He tucked in the little corners, so no cold air would seep through, and made sure it wasn't too tight around him. When he was satisfied it covered him Ryan stepped back and looked at him. Felix sighed in his sleep and snuggled into the soft doona. Ryan smiled and sat in the chair across from him.

He squeaked as he landed on something hard. Ryan pulled the thing out from under him and stared. It was his mask. So that's where he hid it... Ryan was unsure of what he wanted to do now. He had spent nearly half of his life behind that mask, now that it was off it felt...weird...almost unnatural. He held it to his chest and made himself comfortable on the seat. _The least I can do is be here when he wakes up... _Ryan wasn't even aware of doing it, but he had taken his glasses off, folded them neatly and placed them on the table, and somehow his mask had snuck its way back to his face. The white mesh of the mask that covered his eyes for some reason soothed Ryan somewhat. Even though it can be hard to see out of sometimes it offered Ryan a sense of comfort he didn't quite understand. Ryan's mind felt a mess now more than ever...

Ryan took another long swig from the bottle. Even though he had tried not to drink much, he had already reached the top of the label... besides, he needed it right now so he wasn't too concerned. Now that he had told Felix about it... what had happened to him all those years ago was the only thing on his mind. It wouldn't get out of his damn head! With the third burning swallow of the alcohol Ryan was beginning to feel a dull buzz in the back of his head. Yay...

Maybe, if he drank enough of the alcohol, it would burn away all these damn memories. Every day they were there, haunting him, teasing him. It was as if his own mind was mocking him with it. At least that man got what he deserved...sort of... he'll be locked away for the rest of his miserable life... but was that really enough? In Ryan's state the death pealty still exsisted, but they saved to for the worst of the worst usually. And despite what Ryan and the rest of the tramatised families in this man's wake, they didn't have enough evidents to let him hang. Or zap, or whatever else they did to those monsteres. They'd just never found the bodies...

_I wonder...would he ever get out of prison, I mean like, what if he escaped? Would he just go into hiding or...or...would he come after me? I mean, I did kind of ruin all his plans, he's have the motive...oh god...what if he DOES get out! I'd be dead for sure..._

Ryan felt something warm against his leg. He flinched away with a whimper. He heart began to pound in his chest. _Those are fingers. His fingers. He's come back to finish me of once and for all. He's going to-_ A soft whine came from just below him. Wait what? Ryan looked down confused. A little black face smiled up at him, tongue hanging out dopily. Oh...Maya...right... Ryan shook his head. Why had he thought it was...? The little dog kneaded his paws against Ryan's jeans impatiently.

"Yeah ok...Up you go" Ryan picked up the little dog and sat it on his stomach. It gave a happy snarf and licked his neck. It pushed the mask up and found his face with a delighted lick.

"Ah dog, cut it out!" He laughed quietly. He loved dogs sure, but he didn't like getting excessively licked. It's one good eye twinkled mischievously and licked him right on the scar. Ryan barely felt it, but he still shuddered. Just a reaction to the alien contact against the skin... Ryan reached out and scratched the little pug's back affectionately. It smiled and lay on Ryan stomach. Stupid dog... he smiled. Ryan normally didn't like _little _dogs, he personally loved his own massive dog, but there was just something lovable about this little fat pug that was impossible to ignore. The dog seemed quite content to rest on him, so Ryan pulled his mask back down, hood over his head and sighed. May as well try and get some sleep... He put the glass bottle down on the little coffee table thing and shut out the world... Ryan was out in minutes.

...

_Ryan was dreaming. Well, not dreaming exactly. This was a memory. A nightmare perhaps but still a memory nonetheless. The worst memory he had._

He was walking down a darkened street, hands in his pockets, music playing. Not paying any attention to the world around him. He'd done this hundreds of times before, why should tonight be any different? The street appeared to be completely void of life other than his own. His favourite song had begun to play on his I-pod. He smiled and turned the volume right up. Ryan absolutely loved this song!

Ryan walked with a bounce in his step. He was almost home where he knew his mother was making spaghetti for him and his brother Nate. Then after that he could go back to his beloved PlayStation that was waiting for him to defeat Gulp and go to Winter Tundra. The game may be old but he still loved that little purple dragon. Ryan hummed along to the music softly. Tomorrow was Friday, the "we barely do any real work" day of the week. He was pretty sure he had a relief teacher for maths too. No work tomorrow! Life was good.

Over the music, unbeknownst to Ryan, footsteps echoed his own. Ryan was completely oblivious to the tall dark shadow following him, drawing closer by the second. All Ryan knew was this song was freaking awesome! ...Sharp pain stabbed Ryan's skull as his hair was jerked back hard. He tried to yelp in shock, but a hand clamped down over his mouth before the words could even form.

"Don't struggle...It'll just make it worse" The rough voice of the man who had haunted Ryan's life for years whispered in his ear. Fear stronger than anything Ryan had ever felt in his life gripped his heart like an ironclad fist. Ignoring everything the man had just said, Ryan desperately began to try to kick the space behind them, hoping to make contact with something fleshy. He clawed at the hand holding him down, he needed to scream, someone had to hear him and get help. The man growled and yanked Ryan backward into the shadows

Ryan felt unwanted tears prickle behind his eyelids His hair felt like it was being pulled out by the roots. Ryan was vaguely aware that he was being dragged down into the dark alley, where no one could see him. In sheer desperation Ryan began to bite the hand clamped over his mouth. This only made things much, much worse. Blinding pain laced the side of his head as it collided with the grimy brick wall. Black spots danced across Ryan's vision. He felt his body go limp, only being held up by the man's filthy hands.

Ryan barely heard the sound of tape being pulled over his pounding head. Ryan tried to struggle but the sickening lurches his head kept giving were stealing all his strength. A thick wad of duct tape was pulled over Ryan's mouth and he was shoved against the wall. Ryan let out a feeble whimper as his back hit the bricks. The look on the monster's face was enough to banish all the black spots from Ryan's head. The man was grinning evilly like the Cheshire cat, sucking up all of Ryan's fear like a sponge. To Ryan's horror the man punched him in the stomach, forcing every last drop of air out of his lungs. Before he could breathe it back in, the man blocked his nose.

Ryan struggled and kicked desperately trying to free himself from the man's grip. Panic rose in his chest. He couldn't breathe! He was going to suffocate! He could feel a dull burning sensation beginning to build inside him as his need for oxygen grew. Once again the black spots began to swim in his eyes. Ryan's lungs felt like they were on fire, burning with the need for even just a single drop of air. His head was beginning to feel heavy and useless, as if he was made of solid led. Even his legs were turning to rubber, barely even holding him upright anymore. His struggles lost all momentum as the burning inside him threatened to take control and drag him into the blackness.

Is this really how I'm going to die? _His thoughts were blurred as the darkness began to consume him. He wasn't aware of falling, or hitting his head, or that blood was dripping down his face. He couldn't move. He couldn't scream. He couldn't think. All he felt was his burning lungs as the world turned black._

...

When Ryan awoke the first thing he was aware of was his face felt oddly sticky. Had he drooled in his sleep again? Wouldn't have been the first time he'd done it. He felt slightly sick as he lay there, as if he had a headache. I wonder if I can get the day off school? __

A hand grabbed his shoulder and dragged him roughly across the cold floor. That wasn't his mum... His memories returned like a tidal wave of information. Ryan's eyes snapped open and was confronted with the scene before him. His was in a small dark concrete room that felt as cold as death. It was completely bare, spare for a chair in the shadows. And was Ryan imagining it, or did the room smell of something coppery...like...blood... The shadow in the corner shifted... It was the man.

He stepped out into the light. Now Ryan could actually see the attacker. He had greasy black hair, a wild gaunt expression and was massive. Not like fat, but he looked like a freaking tank! He had bright green eyes, just like Ryan, and a icy cold expression imprinted on his face. For some reason, being able to put a face to the man made everything ten times worse. The man began to move closer. Ryan was more terrified now that before. He was shaking as the man drew closer and closer.

Ryan realised two things. That one, he had a big cut on his fore head with partially dried blood on his face and two, his hands were tied behind his back with the same type of tape that held his mouth. Ryan tried to discreetly test the bonds and see if he could slip his hands free...Nope...not a single budge. This guy knew what he was doing. The man stood before him, staring down on him with...was that...oh god, not that! Ryan's head was yanked backward again. Ryan shrieked, but all that the tape would allow was a tiny little "Mmf!" The greasy haired man laughed cruelly.

"No point tryin' a do that. No one can hear you down here but me" His voice was rough like gravel, grinding on his vocal cords in a very rough manner. Ryan gave the man the biggest scowl he could muster. But this just made him laugh harder. The man ran a finger down Ryan's cheek. Ryan jerked his head away.

"Ooo got ourselves a feisty one here have we?" He grinned wickedly. If Ryan could have talked he would have told him to go fuck himself. Instead he settled for a muffled "Fmmh mm!"

The man laughed and forced Ryan to his knees. He grabbed his hair and ripped off the tape with a painful jerk.

"AH FUCK!" Ryan felt his eyes prickle as his skin turned bright red. The man let out a smug chuckle as he held Ryan's head there. He began to hear an odd sound...the sound of fabric being ruffled. Then, to his absolute horror, a zipper being undone.

"Now then, open your mouth" The man said casually.

"What?! NO! FUCK YOU MAN!" Ryan yelled. The man sighed and pulled something out from behind his back.

"Open. Your. Mouth" He emphasized each word, showing off the glimmering knife in his hand. Ryan saw the blade and began to tremble. The very idea of that thing being used on him arose new fear in Ryan. He could see the razor sharp edges glinting in the light, ready to cut and tear whatever its master wanted... But Ryan was just as equally terrified of what the man would do to him if he cooperated. He knew what would happen, he'd seen enough news reports and crime shows to know what this man wanted. It was the greater of two evils... and he could be bluffing... So despite every fibre of his being telling him otherwise, Ryan kept his mouth stubbornly sealed. A dark look passed over the man's face as he took in Ryan's refusal. In a flash the man had smashed Ryan's head against the wall behind him and pressed the knife to his throat.

"I said OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" He snarled in Ryan's face. Ryan could feel the blade beginning to dig into his skin, a bead of blood escaping his neck. He had no choice. No choice whatsoever. It was either this or die...and at the time...he didn't want to die. He might regret this decision later on in life, but he chose to live.

"Alright alright! Please... I'll do it..." Ryan felt tears behind his eyes as he admitted defeat.

"Good" The man grinned cruelly. Ryan squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to see what was about to happen to him... but he could still hear it. He could still the man... pulling down his pants. Could still hear his heavy breathing. Could still hear him standing before him.

Ryan felt his jaw taken between the man's massive hands and pointed upwards towards him. He could no longer help the tears that began to roll down his face. He wanted to sob or cry or just simply curl up in a ball to die. But the man had forced his member into Ryan's mouth long before any of that was remotely possible. Ryan gagged as the man's head hit the back of his throat. The man moaned and forced Ryan to move his head back and forth along his shaft. Ryan felt absolutely sick. He just couldn't believe what was happening to him. This sort of thing happened in movies and TV shows, not real life didn't it? It had to be some sort of weird dream. No, more like a nightmare. And he was going to wake up any second now...

Ryan couldn't help but sob around the man's hardness in his mouth. There was no escape. He was going to... going to... get raped. And then... he was going to die. That's how these things usually worked right? The captive is given some sort of false hope that if they cooperated with their kidnapper they would be spared. Only to be found in a ditch a few days later. Or in the back of a car, or the middle of the woods all chopped up. Ryan was going to get chopped up wasn't he? All of this would happen to him. Violation and then death. Never being able to say goodbye to his friends, his family, just a picture on the news. His only hope was to delay the inevitable... so, despite everything he wanted to do, he sucked.

A small thought popped into Ryan's mind. Was there a door in here? He opened his eyes to find out, and immediately wished he hadn't. The man's face was the first things Ryan's eyes were drawn too. The man wore a horrible mask of pleasure as he forced Ryan to suck him off. He bit his lip as he thrusted into Ryan. Ryan wanted to throw up. The worst part was though, now he could SEE the man's penis being forced into his mouth. With a sob another wet tear splashed down Ryan's face and spilled to the concrete floor.

He forced himself to keep looking around, trying to find a way out. The room behind the horrid man was dark, he could only just make out the different shapes. The shape of stairs was the only thing he cared about though, and when he found them Ryan nearly cried with relief. Maybe...just maybe... he could make it. The chance was slim, but it was worth a shot. He'd rather die knowing he at least tried...

Ryan felt like throwing up as the man let out a low guttural moan and began to thrust faster. He choked as it was forced too far in. Ryan knew what was about to happen. He's about to cum isn't he... Ryan realised this with a sinking feeling. Another idea popped into his head. He felt absolutely disgusted by it...but it might work. Feeling sickened by what he was about to do, Ryan bit down hard on the man's shaft. He hollered with pain as Ryan teeth broke through the skin. The grip on Ryan loosened. He immediately pushed himself away from the screaming man.

He managed to climb to his feet and ran for the stairs. Ryan was uncomfortably aware of the blood in his mouth. The man had fallen to his knees and was writhing in pain. SERVES HIM FUCKING RIGHT! Ryan was up the steps leading to the door in a flash. His hands were still taped, so he turned around and fumbled blindly for the knob. He ran his hands back and forth along the wood, desperate to find the one bit of metal that would save his life. To Ryan's absolute horror he noticed the man getting back to his feet.

He had managed to get to his feet and was shakily making his way towards Ryan. Ryan's heart hammered in his chest. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DAMN HANDLE!

The man was getting closer and closer, knife glittering dangerously in his hands. Ryan nearly sobbed with relief when he felt the cold metal of the door knob touch his fingers. He twisted it and quite literally fell through the door. Ryan landed on the floor with a hard thud. Pain shot through his arm as it twisted under him. There was a sickening crunch... His wrist was almost certainly broken... But there was no time to deal with pain. So, gritting his teeth, Ryan pressed on. He managed to climb back to his knees. So close!

Ryan yelped as a hand grabbed his foot. The man's face leered up at him from the top of the stairs.

"You are so fucking dead you little shit!" He growled. Ryan desperately tried to kick his foot free from the man's iron grip. But it was useless, like trying to kick away smoke. He was too strong. So Ryan did the only thing he could think of, a last ditch effort to save himself.

"HELP ME! SOMEONE PLEA-" Ryan's shriek was cut off by the man yanking him to the ground, slamming his head against the cold tiles as he did so. His skull gave a sickening lurch. He nearly blacked out right then and there. He almost wished he had. His vision swam sickeningly, blurring his sight and blackening the view of himself being dragged back down the stairs. He could barely feel himself hitting the steps he was being pulled down. It was just a dull thud in his ears. Eventually his brain began to sort itself out once more. Although he wished it hadn't. Now Ryan was starting to feel the pain lacing his wrist and his head.

Ryan felt his ribs give way as the man kicked him in the chest. He shrieked as the bone snapped in at least two places. He felt the man drop on top of him. He screamed as the man brought the knife into view.

"You're going to fucking pay for this you little shit!" He pinned Ryan's arms above his head. Ryan whimpered as his broken bone shifted and cracked under the man's hand. Ryan struggled under him to no avail. There was no escape this time. In fact, Ryan wasn't too sure there was a last time. He was doomed from the start. The shimmer of metal told Ryan the dagger was coming closer and closer to his face.

"It's too bad, you were a pretty one. Might have even kept you a bit longer. Oh well, maybe I should see just how pretty you really are underneath all this" He smiled gleefully in Ryan's face. He placed the very tip of the blade under the corner of his left eye. He wanted to pull away and run. But even the slightest movement would cause the blade to dig in further.

"Please..." Ryan sobbed. The man just laughed in his face. Ryan screamed as the blade dug deep into his skin and hit the bone. Blood spurted forth from his now exposed muscles and sprayed his face. Ryan had never felt such pain before on his life, and he couldn't control his cries of agony.

"That's right, scream you little bitch" The man laughed. Ever so slowly he began to drag the knife down. Ryan thrashed wildly as the knife sliced through his cheek inch by inch. He could taste blood in his mouth as it ran freely down his face. He writhed under the man in some attempt to make him stop, but it only made things knife slipped from its path, forming a jagged shape in his skin. The man just laughed.

"You're only hurting yourself more you know" He sneered. Ryan sobbed uncontrollably. He was in agony. His tears mixed in with the blood, making them pink tinted as they slid down his face. It had dug halfway down his face now. He once again felt black spots dancing in his vision. The pain was just too much for him. He was about to black out. Then... the man paused. Ryan nearly sobbed with relief. It was over, the agony was all over...All hopes were dashed as soon as the man cackled evilly. Ryan screamed as the man twisted the blade deeper into his flesh. It was the single most excruciatingly agonizing thing Ryan had ever felt in his life. It dug deep down into his cheek, tearing the skin and the muscles apart as it did so.

Ryan just wanted to die. For this to all be over. No such chance... The blade continued down his face, slicing apart his cheek as it went like the claws of death. At one point it nearly went through the other side and into his mouth. The blade was now at the base of his jaw. Ryan thought it would stop there. It seemed only right. Even a torturer knew when enough was enough right? Ryan felt himself open his mouth in a croaked scream as it went over his jaw, carving into the actual bone, and continue down his neck.

It was just too unbearable a pain to deal with. Nothing like this should even exist in the body. His vision had been dominated by blackness, but unconsciousness still hadn't claimed him. He was still awake, barely aware of anything around him, but awake. Ryan didn't even feel his pants being taken down, or him being put into position for what was about to happen next. He was only just pulling himself back into focus when his lower region was stabbed with a new, fresh agony. His eyesight came flooding back, presenting him with a new horror to behold. And it just made him cry.

The man was...was...forcing himself inside Ryan. He could feel the man's shaft penetrating his unprepared body with a harshness, as if the man wanted Ryan to receive as much pain from this as possible. It was working. Ryan's lower body felt like it was tearing apart. It felt like he was on fire. Ryan screamed hoarsely as he was violated once more, unable to do anything else. Ryan was fairly certain he could feel blood running down the back of his leg... but at this stage it could have come from anywhere. Ryan lost track of time. It had no meaning to him anymore, nothing did. The only thing he knew was pain.

Ryan felt something...disgusting happen inside him. Something hot and sticky shooting up inside him... but Ryan didn't even care anymore. He just wanted this to end. The man withdrew himself from Ryan... just as a dull thumping noise echoed in Ryan's ears. The man turned his head to the stairway. Ryan couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard voices... The man swore.

"Fucking hell...looks like this has to end even sooner than I anticipated. Sorry kid. Time to go" He shrugged. Ryan didn't even have enough time to see it coming. He only felt the blade drive down hard into his chest. It pushed past his skin, his muscle, slid between his cracked ribs, and plunged into his one vital organ. Ryan gasped. Blood began to run between the gap the knife had left in him, soaking his clothes with his own life source. The man got up, pure loathing clear on every feature, and just walked away.

Ryan tried to raise an arm to pull the thing from his chest, but his strength had left him. His arm just lay uselessly by his side. The bastard... he had just left him to die... Ryan didn't hear any of the commotion, the fighting, the fists on the door. He only heard the blood pounding in his ears mixed with his own rasping breaths, which grew weaker and weaker by the second. He could finally feel that sweet blackness he had been craving for since he had woken up. He didn't care that it means death, he only care about escaping this pain. This never ending suffering. IT HAD TO STOP! So he gratefully let it begin to seep slowly into his vision and... 

...

A hand grabbed Ryan's shoulder and shook it hard. Fuck! He'd come back to finish what he'd started! Feeling a new found strength surge through him, Ryan screamed and lashed out, slamming his fist straight into the man's face.

"AH WHAT THE FUCK!" A voice yelled in pain. But Ryan wasn't being fooled. He punched the man hard in the stomach.

"RYAN STOP IT'S ME!" Ryan blinked. That voice was... different to the man's... slightly more feminine... A figure stood before him, hunched over somewhat, cradling his face. This person was blondey brown and sleek, not like the black haired man. In fact... he looked like...

"...Felix?" Ryan asked slightly confused.

"My fucking nose!" Felix had a bit of blood dripping through his fingers. Ryan shook his head. Did he just... punch Felix?

"Are...you ok Felix?" Ryan asked quietly.

"Uh... I will be in a minute..." Felix took his hand away. His nose wasn't broken or anything, but the rest of his cheek will probably be purple by tomorrow. Ryan's throat started to close over, tears already beginning to prickle behind his eyes.

"Ryan? Are you all..." Felix let his words trail away as a wet tear rolled down Ryan's face.

"Fan Ryan..." Felix forgot about his nose and knelt down in front of Ryan. Ryan felt himself shaking uncontrollably. He wasn't there. He was in Italy, not the basement. He was safe... Ryan felt Felix take his hands hesitantly. Just the feeling of his soft, gentle, caring hands brush the back of one of his many scars was enough to make Ryan completely crack. Ryan wailed and broke down on Felix's shoulder. Tears streamed from his face, just like the ones in his dream.

"It's ok... you'll be fine... I'm here for you. Jag kommer alltid skydda dig" He stroked Ryan's hair soothingly. He wasn't sure what exactly Felix had said, but the sound of the foreign words made him feel warm inside. He was right, Ryan was safe. The neighbors of the man had heard him scream, the police had come, and the man was locked away in jail. Ryan had nearly died, his wrist was broken in several places, his skull fractured with minor concusion, two broken ribs, his heart had narrowly missed being rendered useless and of course...the scar. There had been nothing they could do to fix it. He had been condemned to wear this mark for his entire life... well, ever since he was fifteen. 2004 was the year that had taken away his entire life. He would do anything to take it all back.

"No more... please no more" Ryan sobbed into the Swede, pouring his heart and soul into the man.

"He'll never hurt you again...jag svär...jag svär" Felix crushed Ryan against him.

"Inga fler tårar Ryan"

* * *

Translations

gli uomini sono tutti uguali! – men are all the same! – Italian

vad fan har jag gjort!- what the fuck have I done!- Swedish

ledsen du var tvungen att se till att- sorry you had to see that- Swedish

Jag kommer alltid skydda dig- I will always protect you- Swedish

jag svär- I swear- Swedish

Inga fler tårar Ryan- no more tears Ryan- Swedi


	7. Chapter 7

Felix's POV

Ryan rubbed his face and pulled away. He'd been crying for nearly twenty minutes. Felix didn't have to ask, he knew why. He felt slightly guilty about it. Felix knew he was probably to blame for the bad dream. He shouldn't have pushed him... but he needed to know. He wanted to ask more, like what exactly he had dreamt or what exactly had happened to him... but that really wouldn't help right now. He'll tell me when he's ready...

"I...I'll be back...I've gotta go get changed and...do something" Ryan sniffed. Felix stiffened.

"Do what?" He asked, slightly wary. Felix didn't trust the way Ryan had said that, and there was no way he was going to let Ryan hurt himself ever again.

"...not that...something else... Felix I won't do that ok? Promise" Ryan said softly.

"Pinkie swear?" Felix raised an eyebrow. Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Fine, Pinkie promise" Ryan wrapped his pikie around Felix's and squeezed. Felix wasn't too sure if he believed him, but eventually sighed and let him go.

"If you're not down here in five minutes I'm coming up there" Felix watched Ryan go upstairs to change.

"Yeah yeah" Ryan waved him away. Felix heard the door close to Ryan's room. He didn't want to leave him alone, knowing what he knew now, just in case. Ryan had assured him he was just getting dressed, but Felix was still worried...

Felix had been sleeping soundly on the couch when he had been woken up by Ryan. He was shivering and murmuring in his sleep, on the verge of tears, mask back on his face. Felix thought he'd hidden that damn thing... It had been pushed up his face slightly, showing part of his scar. Felix's heart twisted at the sight of it. Maya was sitting beside Ryan, whining softly. Felix got up, hating to see Ryan like this, to go wake him up. He could hear Ryan talking in his sleep, and it was heartbreaking to hear.

"...please...stop... nooo...Mmm!" He jerked slightly in his sleep. Felix saw a tear roll down his cheek. He couldn't help but watch it drip down the ridge of his deep mark and travel along it, falling gracefully onto his neck.

He reached out and gently tried to shake him awake. Ryan woke up with a jolt. Before he even saw it coming Ryan screamed and punched him in the face. Then Felix felt Ryan slam his fist into his stomach. Not a very fun thing to wake up to. It had hurt like hell...

Felix rubbed his sore face. The bleeding had stopped, but he could feel a bruise coming along nicely. The bro's are going to think he got in a fight... Felix sighed. What the hell was he going to tell them all? They all loved him and Marzia as a couple... what will they say when they find out...

Marzia... It still hurt to think about the way she had just left him like that. He should have said something, anything to make her understand. But he had frozen up. His tongue stuck in his throat. And then, she was gone...and the worst part? Felix wasn't sure if he was really all that sad about Marzia leaving him... because...now he could actually have Ryan. What he was really sad about was the thought he had hurt her. He hated to see others in any type of pain... He felt so ashamed of himself... for hurting Marzia... for crying in front of Ryan, for the way he had handled the whole situation...couldn't he do anything right?

Felix looked up at the clock. Seven minutes... Felix couldn't help but be anxious about the chocolate haired boy. He started to climb the stairs to follow Ryan. It was only about five steps high, but it was still stairs to him. Ryan's bedroom door was open, but he wasn't inside. Felix heard the bathroom door creak. He wasn't was he?! Felix nearly ran to the bathroom.

The door was open slightly. Felix took a peek through the crack. Ryan, now in a black hoodie with the words 'Bullet For My Valentine' written in bright white across the chest, was leaning over the basin, one hand gripping the cold ceramic bowl, the other rolling something around his palm. Felix had to get on his tippy toes to see what it was. Four little white pills sat on his palm. Ryan stared hard at them, contemplating something. Felix had never seen those pills in his cupboard before... Ryan must have brought them with him. He had to think hard to understand what they were...Were they...Antidepressants? Ryan was muttering to himself.

"Let's see...one to take the edge...two for normality...three for stupidly high and happy...four..." Ryan frowned. Felix felt his chest tighten. Four for what?

"Five for August...not five... four?" Ryan rolled the little pills around his palm. Felix listened hard. What was August? Felix had never had to take any kind of pills or drugs, so he wasn't sure what Ryan was trying to determine.

"Pass out...no... Not today..." Ryan let one of the pills fall back into the container. Felix couldn't stand still anymore.

"Ryan, you alright?" He asked from behind the door. There was a small hesitation before Ryan answered.

"Uh..yeah...just a sec" Ryan threw the three pills into his mouth and pored some water into his hands. Felix pushed open the door and stepped through. Ryan swallowed the pills down just as Felix got to him.

"You ok?" Felix asked, standing behind Ryan. Again, Ryan hesitated before answering.

"...will be" He said, a small shake in his voice. Felix could tell he was trying to hide it, but Felix still heard it. He made Ryan turn to face him and pulled him close. Ryan slipped his arms around Felix's waist and melted in his grasp.

"Good...please do" Felix put his cheek on Ryan's head. Felix wasn't much taller than Ryan, but still tall enough that Ryan could put his head on his shoulder.

"Ryan...what's August?" Felix asked.

"Ah, I hoped you didn't hear that... well, I..." Ryan sighed. "...August 2010... was a really low point... It was about a year or so after..." Ryan's eyes darted uncomfortably to his right arm, where Felix knew was a deep long line running from his wrist to his elbow. Felix heart gave an uncomfortable twist as to why it was there...

"Well...I..." Ryan stuttered.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" Felix said.

"I know...I want to tell you Felix...no more secrets...I...fuck, ok. I realised doing it that way was too painful. So I, I...one day in the middle of August I figured out a-another...another way. I-I did all the calculations in my head so I knew it would work. So I...I... I went to the bathroom. Grabbed a handful of pills, about seven, but it would have only taken five, and...I took them all. And I was right... it wasn't painful at all... It nearly... _would _have worked to if ...he hadn't decided to surprise me..." Ryan was shivering again. Felix pulled him closer, trying to feed some of his good energy into Ryan. It sounds silly, but Felix felt like it might help.

"Fuck Nate I am so sorry...I'm so fucking sorry. I never meant for you to find me like that" Ryan was on the verge of tears again. Felix had to think for a minute. Nate, Nate, Nate...he knew the name... he just couldn't quite... OH! The name came flooding back to him, but that just sort of made it worse. Nate was his brother...

"Shh it's okay, it's okay... Det är okej" Felix added in Swedish.

"I nearly died right in front of my brother. He was only eleven for Christ's sake! And I put him through that...Mum had dropped him off for a visit. Thought I might like some company. She knew how...lonely I'd been. She dropped him at the door and went up the street to get us something for dinner. He let himself in, the door was unlocked." Ryan shook his head.

"I could hear him yelling my name, but I thought I was just hallucinating... I was nearly...out by then... you remember the Cat Lady? It really was like that, the room spinning and shit...that's why it was kinda hard for me to play that game. The...the last thing I saw was Nate coming into the room...h-he found me laying there w-with the bottle and the... I stayed awake long enough to hear him scream before I...I... He called an ambulance, they only just brought me back just in time... When I woke up in hospital, he was there, crying. He thought I was dead. When he realised I was awake he threw himself on me and just cried. Nate stayed with me every single second of every day. Mum let him off school while I recovered. The hospital staff even brought in a little trundle bed for him to sleep on" Ryan let out a sad little huff of laughter. "I was so stupid. He was always there for me...and I just never realised it" Ryan sighed.

"Ryan..." Felix didn't know what to say. Ryan furiously wiped his eyes, refusing to break down again.

"That's not even the worst part. About a year or so later, when I went to go stay with them for a bit... I found Nate doing... well...this" Ryan pulled up his sleeve and lifted up his arms, showing his scars.

"I never realised how badly it had affected him, seeing me like that. I got so upset with him, I yelled at him for ages about it, and he yelled back at me. It was the first and the worst fight I've ever had with him. He made me promise him I'll never try anything like that ever again or hurt myself again and he'll stop too. I said ok... I know I lied but...it was a white lie. I had to get him to stop... I even paid for his counsellor...I never went to the damn things, they never really helped... But I kept most of that promise, I...I never tried to...to...kill myself again... I realised if I ever actually went through with it, I'd just put him in the same position I was in. And I never wanted that... Nate was too important to me...Sorry. You probably didn't need to hear all that" Ryan sniffed.

"Nah 's fine Ryan. You needed to get it out. Besides, I want to know everything about you, no matter how bad it is..." Felix laughed and chose his next words very carefully. He knew what he wanted to say...but would it be weird? He decided to do it anyway.

"Jag kommer att älska varje del av dig oavsett vad...I know you don't understand what I said, but I don't know how exactly to say it in English without it losing meaning...so..." Felix shifted uncomfortably. He had meant every word of it, but if he said it in English it wouldn't be as meaningful would it? He took Ryan's face in his hand and ran a thumb over his cheek. Ryan smiled and leant into his hand.

"Try me" He smiled.

"But it sounds so weird, especially since it's only been a day..." Felix could feel himself turning red.

"Felix, I just told you about me trying to commit suicide. Fucking spill it already" Ryan said seriously.

"I...well...fine...I said I will love every part of you no matter what...sounds ten time better in Swed-" Ryan cut him off.

"Wait what?!" He said with a startled gasp.

"I...I said...uh..." Felix had turned bright red with embarrassment.

"Do you really mean it?" Ryan asked, voice shaking.

"Well...Ja, Ja" Felix nodded. Ryan gaped at him. Damn it he knew it was too soon to say it... now he looks scare of him._ Nice job there Felix, youve scared him off with your-_

"Felix I...I..." Ryan practically attacked Felix. He grabbed Felix and pressed their mouths together, kissing him hard. Felix gave a startled grunt. He hadn't been expecting that! He hummed with a short laugh and kissed him back twice as hard. Ryan had such a passion in his lips, it took Felix's breath away. Felix ran his tongue along Ryan's bottom lip, asking permission. Ryan gave a little groan and parted his lips slightly. Felix grinned and pushed his tongue into Ryan's mouth. Again he couldn't help but notice how much better kissing Ryan was than with Marzia.

Felix pushed Ryan up against the bench top, running his hands over his waist. He loved the feel of his skinny hips. Felix ran his thumb against the hard bone of his pelvis, feeling all the contours of his waist with a gentle caress. Ryan gave a little moan as Felix took his bottom lip and gave it a playful tug. Ryan pulled back a bit.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that" Ryan smiled shyly. Felix grinned back.

"Glad you approve...come on...let's go make some videos"

* * *

Ryan's POV

"Ok, keep or blur?" Felix asked him. Ryan looked over at his screen. Felix was adding the final touches to the SCP video they had made. Right now it was on the bit where Ryan had screamed and spear tackled Felix. From the angle all you could see of Ryan was his grey hoodie and the white mask, everything else was hidden... no, if you paused it you could probably make out his hair colour. Ryan frowned. He didn't like that they could see his hair, everyone will freak out... oh fuck it. They're going to freak out anyway over seeing his hand!

"Keep, it's the best part" Ryan grinned.

"Good, I was hoping you'd say yes...now, can I add a caption?" Felix raised an eyebrow. Ryan wished he could do that...every time he tried to do that both eyebrows went up...

"Depends..." Ryan needed more detail before he agreed.

"How about...bromance?" He laughed.

"Bromance? Really? Besides I thought you were going to tell them about the break up? Doing that probably wouldn't look to good, especially if you plan on uploading it at the same time" Ryan said.

"Fair point... I'll just do a slow motion replay thing" Felix typed a few things in. Ryan shook his head and turned back to his laptop. He was uploading his Vlog from yesterday, when they were hanging out in that Italian square. He hoped the fans wouldn't mind for not doing a let's play... but tomorrow would be the live stream so that should make up for it. He had added a bit of a showcase of his new room and a bit of the house. And he had done what he promised too

...

"So yeah, that's Italy! It's really pretty so far and I'm sure I'll get to explore a bit more while I'm here, and don't worry I'll film it all for you. And do you know what's really confusing about this place? It's like midnight back in Florida and lunchtime here! I am quite literally on the complete opposite side of the world! Am I the only one who tinks that's just a bit cool...? Yeah I probably am" Cry laughed and drew back his curtain, pointing his camera out at the brightly lit backyard.

"You know what is cool though? That!" Cry pointed the camera at the little pool in the backyard. It wasn't a paticurly large one, but Ryan still thought it was awesome! It was surrounded by pale sandstone slabs and the bottom of the pool was painted a deep turquoise. It was freaking amazing!

"I mean, just look at that thing! It's beautiful! If it weren't getting to the end of Autumn or just not freezing I would jump in that thing right now! I mean it, it's so cold my ring's stuck to my finger" Ryan smiled and showed off the black onyx ring, just like he promised.

"Ah well...maybe it'll warm up a bit before the end of the trip... well, I better wrap this up, I think Pewds wants me to do a bit of gaming, as i'm sure you'll all see later. Alright, thanks for watching. Just a quick thanks to Alex from me, if your friends still don't believe you then they suck, and I'll see you guys later. Bye"

...

The video was nearly up on youtube, it was just being abnormally slow about it today. Felix was right, the internet in Italy was really shitty... At least he kept his promise.

"OK! Done diddily done! Ok get your butt over here for part two" Felix waved him over.

"Already? You only just finished the last one" Ryan said.

"Hey! Did I fucking ask your permission? Get your lazy ass over here now boy!" Felix put on what Ryan called his Irresponsible Dad voice. He laughed and pulled himself over.

"Don't get your panties in a knot I'm coming" Ryan pulled a chair over to Felix's work station.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY PANTIES!" Felix cried in fake shock.

"I KNOW ALL MUHAHAHAH!" Ryan did his Mad Cry laugh, cackling loudly.

"Haha ok then. Now, we're going to bulk film so get ready to scream" Felix was fiddling around with his face cam, getting it ready to go.

"Aww bulk? This shit's scare enough in one shot" Ryan complained.

"Would you rather do two today or one tomorrow? Trust me, you'll want a break for a day tomorrow when you're tired" Felix said.

"Why what's happening?" Ryan asked. Felix laughed and shook his head.

"Doesn't matter...let's get this thing started"

...

"Alright bro's, we are back once again with this thing from hell. I'm here with my buddy Cry to see how long we last for this time" Pewds smiled at the screen.

"Sup guys, I'm being forced to do this piece of shit again by this big bully. Apparently tackling him wasn't enough" Ryan made his voice convey the fact he was glaring at Pewdie.

"Oh I'M the bully?! Bro's look at my face, do you see this bruise? Who made that?" Pewds pointed at his face

"Oh come on I apologised like five times already. I didn't mean it!" Ryan rolled his eyes.

"This person, this one right here, punched me in the face. I was bleeding!" Pewdie pointed at Ryan indignantly.

"Don't be so melodramatic Pewds!" Ryan laughed

"Mr Cry Cry has been a very bad boy today hasn't he, beating up poor innocent old Pewds... Now then. LET THE TORMENT BEGIN!" Pewds made a slurping noise at the screen, pulling on his face. Ryan couldn't help but break out into ridiculous giggles.

"Yeah I have no idea what that was" Pewds laughed too.

"Gimmie that damn mouse" Ryan took the mouse from Pewds. The screen finally finished loading, showing the familiar steel walls of the SCP facility.

"Ok, forward" Ryan commanded.

"Okie dokie" Pewdie started forward. Ryan remember the door to the right they had already been down, so he pointed them towards the left. Pewds opened the door and they walked down another hall way. A loud hissing noise broke the silence. Ryan could feel his nerves rising already. Not as bad as they usually would thanks to the drugs, but still enough to feel it.

"Mask...Pewdie mask!" Ryan yelled at him.

"Calm down I've got it!" Pewds opened up the items menu. Ryan clicked on it, putting it on. It closed and they clinked on down the bronze rusty walkway clouded by black smoke. Ryan really hoped he wouldn't be there. When the smoke cleared, he checked the corner by the door.

"Oh snap!" Pewds exclaimed as the tall yellow monster stood beside him. Ryan looked down at the blink bar. Half empty...

"Open the door, open the door, open the door, OPEN THE DOOR!" Ryan yelled at Pewdie,

"I'm trying!" He hit the keyboard furiously. Almost out of blink. The door finally slid open.

"GO!" Felix pushed the button and sprinted through the door.

"Close it!" Ryan turned towards the button, hoping to beat the thing to it. No such chance. Half way there and SNAP.

"AHH NOOO!" "Mother of FUCK!" They both yelled at the same time. The screen flashed. YOU ARE DEAD.

"Come ON! We only just started you son of a- gahh!" Pewds growled.

"Fucking hell...this is going to be a long fucking night" Ryan gave a shaky laugh.

...

"Ok...ok...in here" Ryan was breathing hard. Drugs or no drugs, he was completely terrified right now. They had been doing this for far too long. The equivalent of an episode and a half. The atmosphere was killing him! The door opened. It was a small room, button on one wall, monitor screen on the other.

"Oh what the fuck is that..." Pewdie's voice shook. On the screen, something was crouching in the middle of the floor. Something white with elongated limbs. Ryan could hear it making an odd noise. Huh...must be new to the game...Ryan had never seen it before, so he had no idea what it was called, nor had he had enough time to come up with a nick name. But he could tell it wasn't a nice one... Felix obviously did't know what it was either, he sat there eyeing it off with a hint of fear. The door to the next room was already open. Ryan was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Nononono pleeeaase don't make us go in there!" Ryan begged him.

"We've gotta. This is the only way to go..." Felix forced Ryan to turn towards the door. He let out a small whining noise as Pewds made them walk through the door into the bloody red room. The creature was sitting on the floor, hands covering its face, making that same god awful noise.

"Woah what the fuck is that thing? Is it new?" Pewdie made a disgusted face.

"Don't know don't care, let's just go and leave it alone" Ryan could tell this thing was bad news.

"Come on Cry I just wanna quick look" He made them walk towards it. Ryan hated Felix right now for making him do this. They slowly walked around it, examining it.

"Can you just look at it for a quick sec?" Pewds asked. Ryan didn't want to, but he eventually pointed the mouse at the creature's front. The thing appeared to be covering it's face... Ryan was perplexed as to why it hid its face. What kind of monster did that sort of thing... uhg was that hypocritical?

Pewds was making them face it head on now, getting a good look at its face. The thing looked up at them with darkened eyes. No, not eyes, more like deep gaping soulless holes. It moved it's arms aside and slowly stood. It towered over the character and gave a blood curdling scream.

"Oh fuck RUN!" Ryan shouted. They sprinted out the door and down the hall way. The screams still echoed behind them. Felix opened the nearest door and made them race through it. Ryan heard something that made his stomach churn. The sounds of the thing giving chase.

"FUCKING MOVE!" He yelled. They raced into the new room. A big glass box was in the centre of the room. Pewds immediately raced for it. He ran through the opening.

"THERE'S NO FUCKING DOOR!" He screamed as they turned to see the gap empty.

"Hide!" "Where it's a fucking box!" "I-I don't know!" They yelled at each other. Ryan's heart was hammering. Made all the worse by the sound of metal tearing apart. The creature appeared, arms stretched out in front of it, sprinting at them dead on at unimaginable speeds.

"OH SHIT!" Pewdie yelled. The monster screamed and charged at them. Ryan screamed and threw the mouse away. The monster rushed them head on, crossing the room in seconds. Ryan felt Felix grab him.

"AHHHHHH!" Pewds let out an extremely high pitched girly cried. Ryan let Felix crush him against his chest as they screamed together. ****

SLAMM! YOU ARE DEAD. LOAD GAME? 

"OH MY FUCKIG GOD!" Pewdie shouted at the screen

"WHO EVER MADE THIS THING DESERVES TO BURN IN HELL!" Ryan yelled

Felix was doing a mixture of laughing and crying.

"Oh my god what the fuck was that thing? I don't even...Why? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US!?" Pewds fake sobbed...well...sort of fake... Ryan was pretty sure he was only _making _it sound fake to hide the fact he really was terrified.

"Fuck this game, fuck that thing, fuck everything, I'm done! I'm fucking done!" Felix hit the stop record button.

"I hate you so much!" Ryan shook with fright. "I will murder you!"

"What me or that?" Felix pointed to the screen.

"BOTH OF YOU!" Ryan yelled. Felix laughed.

...

Ryan swallowed the last of his can. Felix had taken away his vodka, so now he only allowed his RockStar. Not that it was called that in Italian. Ryan didn't even know how to say it. But it still tasted the same and that's all that mattered.

Ryan was editing his final video of the day, yet not really concentrating on it at the same time. All he wanted to do was stop and go...well uh... go see Felix... he wasn't sure if the time was right yet or not. He wanted to go over there and kiss him again, but he had just finished doing the video about Marzia, so he probably was still a bit shaken. Ryan had helped of course, holding the camera without saying a word. Felix had said nothing about how or why they had broken up, only that they had done so. He also didn't mention anything about who had caused them to break up. Which Ryan still felt guilty about. He didn't feel sad anymore, the drugs had seen to that. In fact, three had probably been too many. Half the day he had been hyperactive and overly happy, giggling at everything Felix did, save for the SCP part of the day. He still felt kinda high...

Uhg he was so bored of this! All he could think about was Felix. The way he had kissed him this morning was still fresh in his mind. And what he had said! Oh Ryan must have died and gone to heaven. Never had he ever thought this would actually happen. He had been so certain Felix would reject him, especially after seeing his face and learning about his past. But no, Felix had said he didn't care. In fact, he had basically said he loved him! Ryan grinned giddily to himself. Could this day get any better?

* * *

Ryan didn't know it, but Felix was standing behind him, a smile creeping across his face as he planned what he was about to do next. Tonight was going to be fun... Felix grinned.


	8. Chapter 8

Felix's POV 

Ryan was putting the finishing touches to his video; he didn't even know that Felix was there. Ryan went into his own little world sometimes. Felix felt his heart flutter as he thought about what he was going to do next. He hoped it was the right thing to do, considering it was so soon... guess he was about to find out. Ryan typed a few words onto the screen then sat back frowning. Felix smiled. He always frowned when he concentrated, Felix found it very cute. As a matter of fact, Felix found every emotion Ryan made amazingly cute now he could actually see them. Felix was glad he had finally abandoned the mask. Well, in front of him anyway. Felix was pretty certain the moment they stepped outside the mask would magically reappear... Silently, Felix crossed the room as Ryan clicked the touchpad, completely absorbed in what he was doing. Felix ran a hand down Ryan's neck. He yelped in surprise at Felix's touch.

"Damn it Felix you scared the crap outta me! I'm still jumpy from the SCP thing!" Ryan laughed. Felix bent down and breathed in Ryan's ear.

"Do you reckon you can finish that later...I really wanna try something" He trailed his fingers across Ryan's arm. He shuddered under the touch. "Something...big"

Ryan just blinked at Felix, not quite understanding what he meant.

"...but only if you want to" For a few brief seconds Ryan just looked back at him confused. Felix winked. Then the realisation sunk in

"Oh...OH! I...um...uh...ok. Yeah, I –I can finish this later...definitely" Ryan's voice quivered with excitement. Felix grinned. He had never seen Ryan like this before.

"I was hoping you'd say that" Felix placed his hand over Ryan's and moved the cursor over to the save button. They clicked it together before Felix pulled Ryan to his feet, kissing him fiercely. Ryan gave a little moan and pressed himself against the Swede's hard body. Felix felt Ryan melt in his strong arms, letting him take control. He smirked slightly. Felix loved the power he had over him right now. It made him shudder at the thought. He ran his tongue along Ryan's bottom lip and gave it a playful tug. He felt Ryan give a soft moan. Felix looked deep into Ryan's eyes, his blue gaze stared deep into the emerald pair. They were slightly hazy with emotion, lust and nervousness the most obvious. Felix'll have to change that.

"You have really beautiful eyes you know Ryan" Felix's forehead rested against Ryan's, their eyes only millimeters apart.

"So do you..." Ryan said softly. Felix trailed his fingers along Ryan's cheek, watching Ryan's eyes droop and placed his own hand over Felix's.

"Let's go to your room, mine's kinda a wreck" Felix nodded to the hallway. Ryan gulped and nodded. Felix took Ryan's hand and led him upstairs. He could almost feel Ryan's heart hammering in his chest. He was still a bit nervous Felix could tell, yet excited at the same time. He didn't blame him, Felix knew exactly why he would be nervous, so Felix ran his thumb affectionately over Ryan's hand, letting him know it'll be ok. Better than ok if Felix did it right. Felix had done this once before many years ago, around about the end of highschool, but he'd been on the bottom then. But he understood the general idea of what he was meant to do. Besides, he knew he wasn't bad, plenty of girls, including Marzia, had often said he was... _NO, I will not think about her when I'm about to be intimate with Ryan! _Felix pushed Ryan's door open and slipped inside. Ryan followed behind quietly.

Felix grabbed him again and invaded his mouth with his tongue. Ryan shivered in his grasp and let Felix slam his body against the closed door. Not harshly, but with some force behind it. Felix felt Ryan's arms snake around his back and pull him closer, not leaving a single gap between their two bodies. Felix placed his left arm firmly against the door beside them and trailed his right hand along Ryan's pale cheek. Ryan shuddered under his grip as Felix began placing his lips along the soft skin of his neck.

"Are...are we really going to..." His voice trailed away as Felix ran his lip over his smooth skin.

"'s up to you Ryan. Do you wanna?" Felix asked.

"Ah...yes please!" Ryan gasped as Felix ran a hand over his chest, brushing his nipples lightly.

"I promise you won't be disappointed" Felix grinned.

Felix could feel Ryan's heart racing in his chest. With a smirk on his face Felix ground his growing erection against Ryan's. Ryan gasped and arched his back in sheer pleasure, cheeks flushing crimson. Liking this reaction Felix thrusted into Ryan again. He moaned and dug his fingers into Felix's back hard.

"Haah..." Ryan moaned as Felix rubbed himself against the hard bulge in Ryan's pants. Felix, in a dominating mood, smirked and nipped Ryan's neck, making him mewl under him.

"You like that Ryan?" He asked roughly. Ryan's only response was to shiver and gasp under him. Felix wasn't taking silence for an answer. He grabbed Ryan's bulge and gave it a rub.

"Is that a yes or a no?" Felix growled lightly in his ear, running his thumb back ad forth, rubbing the large bulge Ryan possesed.

"Ahhh, yes!" Ryan groaned loudly. Felix smirked and went back to kissing him hard.

Ryan moved his hands downward, feeling a bit adventurous, and pulled Felix's blue and white stripy top over his head and cast it aside. Ryan's hands wrapped around Felix's neck, fingers entwining in his silky blonde-brown hair. Felix quivered under Ryan's delicate touch. He liked this Ryan. He liked him very much!

Breathing hard Felix ran his finger up Ryan's crouch and hooked the front of his black skinny leg jeans. He deliberatly slid them down a few cetimeters, just exposing his dipping V-lines. Felix ran his finger down the sensitive skin, stopping just above the area Ryan wanted him most. Ryan could take no more. Grabbing Felix, Ryan pushed himself off the door and threw Felix onto the messy bed. Felix felt the air momentarily forced from his lung when he landed, and he liked it! Ryan crawled on top of him and straddled him. Felix shifted so his head was against the headboard of the bed and pulled Ryan back to his lips.

Felix felt Ryan fumbling with his belt, hands shaking slightly as he did so. Ryan broke their kiss as Felix pulled his black hoodie off, tossed it aside. Felix looked over Ryan's bare chest with lustful eyes. He was beautifully pale, not sickly like some people, but just right. It suited him perfectly. He wasn't particularly muscular or anything, but he was skinny in a sexy way, the smooth plains of his stomach and cutting V dipping into his black skinny leg jeans was mind wrenchingly sexy. Ryan then began to tug of Felix's tan coloured pants. Felix bit his lip as they came free, leaving him in nothing but his underwear. In a single action they too disappeared. Felix hissed slightly as the cold air hit his hot body. Ryan went to get his own belt undone but Felix's hands had beaten him to it. In seconds Felix had them off and across the room. Felix froze slightly at what he saw.

Along the tops of his thighs were more scars. Pink slashes, all varying in depth and length, running across his skin. Felix caught a wince pass over Ryan at the sight of them. Felix knew what he was thinking...

"It's ok Ryan, I understand" Felix ran his hand over them sensually. Ryan's look of guilt started to fade as Felix edged closer to his hardened bulge.

"Thanks..." He muttered, face creased slightly as Felix ran his hand up his thigh. He let out a little gasp as Felix stopped right beside Ryan's hardening length. Felix's member throbbed against Ryan's as he sat up. Felix looked into Ryan's lust filled face and smirked. Before he could react Felix had Ryan pinned underneath him.

"Hey!" Ryan laughed as Felix pressed his weight against him. Felix chuckled and hooked a finger under Ryan's underwear, slowly pulling them down. Ryan whimpered as they came away, leaving him completely naked. Felix reached down to Ryan's erection and gave it a tug.

"Ohhhh Fuuuck!" He moaned as Felix began to rub his hardness.

"Do you like that Ryan? Do you want me to touch you?" Felix teased, running his thumb over Ryan's slit. For an answer Ryan let out a long moan. Felix snickered and ran his hand along Ryan's shaft. He loved teasing the poor American. Ryan bit his lip with a barely concealed groan and whimper as Felix rubbed his hand up and down his length. Felix could tell he was enjoying himself. The way he was panting told Felix all he needed to know. He'll definitely say yes.

"Hang on a sec..." Felix reached over to the bedside table and began rummaging through one of the draws. Ryan gave a disappointed groan and looked up at him confused._ Where the hell is it...there we go! _Felix pulled out the bottle of lube and looked down at Ryan. He was looking at the bottle with a mixture of exhilaration and apprehension.

"What's wrong sexy?" Felix asked with a michevous grin. He knew Ryan hated being called stupid names like that.

"I-I've just...never done this before...other than..." Ryan admitted. Felix had expected this.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Ever" Felix spread a bit of the lube on his fingers and began to move his hand along Ryan's shaft, pumping his erection hard. Ryan gasped and fell back, head hitting the bed hard. The control Felix had over Ryan turned him on even more. He watched as Ryan writhed under his touch, eyes half hooded with a hazy lustful bliss. Felix lent back down and kissed Ryan hard, making their tongues dance together. Ryan moaned and kissed him back, his hand on Felix's cheek. Their tongues rubbed against each other, trading saliva between them. Felix grinned to himself. He hadn't noticed before, but Ryan tasted like energy drink with faint traces of Vodka.

Felix moved his hand back and forth across Ryan's sensative shaft, pumping him hard. He loved the way he could make Ryan moan with the slightest touch.

"F-Felix GAH!" Ryan cried as Felix began to move his fist faster along Ryan's member. Felix smirked as he planned what to do next.

Felix would have pumped Ryan longer but his own body was begging for friction, he needed Ryan right now. He broke their kiss and pulled out the bottle again. Ryan watched as Felix spread its contents against his fingers with hazy eyes. Felix lifted Ryan's hips and placed his fingers at his opening. To distract Ryan from what he was about to do Felix recaptured his lips and forced his tongue inside. Ryan's perfect lips moved in time with his, unaware of Felix's roaming fingers. Well, that was until Felix slipped one of his lubed up fingers into Ryan's hole.

Felix swallowed Ryan's surprised gasp as he pushed it deeper. That surprise quickly turned to shock as Felix forced a second digit into him. Ryan whimpered slightly, more out of the memories Felix knew would be attacking him rather than actual pain as Felix moved his fingers in and out, prepping him slowly. Felix waited until his sounds of discomfort lessened to shove his third finger into his entrance. Ryan flinched. Felix saw tears spike in the corner of Ryan's eyes as he moved his fingers. After a few seconds Ryan began to relax. Felix had lubed up his erection and withdrew his fingers. Lifting Ryan's legs so they rested comfortably around his hips he placed his member at Ryan's entrance.

"You ready?" Felix asked breathless.

"Uh...yeah. I guess so" Ryan said nervously. Felix didn't need any more encouragement. The second Ryan had stopped speaking Felix had slowly slid himself inside Ryan. Ryan bit down hard on his lip to keep back a cry. Felix wanted to tell Ryan it'll get better it a few seconds, but the wave of pleasure had robbed him of his English.

"Herregud Ryan!" Felix moaned in Swedish. Ryan's face was slowly easing out of its crease into one of pleasure as he got used to the feel of Felix's penis inside him.

"Är du redo?" Felix asked.

"Felix, English, please" Ryan panted.

"Are you ready?" Felix struggled to say. Ryan nodded. Finally! Felix thrusted himself into Ryan at last. Ryan gasped in pleasure as Felix began to move himself in and out of his body, slowly pounding into him. Felix managed to find that special spot almost right away.

"Oh god FELIX!" Ryan cried as waves of unimaginable pleasure washed over him. Felix, slightly smug at the speed of which he had found it, continued to aim for the spot with each move of his hips. He moved his hips back and forth, sliding his shaft in and out of Ryan in a gentle rhythm. Felix groaned as he thrusted, feeling the heat of Ryan's insides like nothing he'd ever felt before. It felt...so...good! Ryan's face had turned bright red, sweat beading on his brow. His legs had wrapped around Felix's waist tightly and his fingers dug into his shoulder. Felix started to push faster into Ryan, but not fast enough apparently.

"Ha-Harder!" Ryan begged. Felix smirked and obeyed, the sound of flesh hitting flesh filling the small room. Ryan was moaning loudly in Felix's ear. Felix felt extremely pleased with himself, smug almost. He could make Ryan do those noises whenever he pleased. Felix deliberately slammed deep inside Ryan. Ryan screamed with pleasure as he hit the spot again even harder. Felix wanted to laugh at this, but all that came out of his lips was a thick guttural moan. Ryan felt so good...

"Så tight!" Felix moaned loudly. Ryan felt even better than Felix had first expected. The heat coming from inside him, the way his wall gripped his member, was enough to make Felix groan with untamable pleasure. His knuckles had turned white from gripping Ryan's bony hips, shaking him as Felix thrusted hard into him. Ryan's hand moved from the blanket he had been gripping down to his own erection and began to pump it in time with Felix's thrusts.

"Fan ta Ryan!" Felix threw his head back and moaned. Seeing Ryan touching himself somehow made Felix even more aroused, if that was even possible. Felix began to slam into him more forcefully, abusing his prostate with each movement.

"Nhggg, Fuck!" Ryan groaned and pumped his member harder, pre cum leaking out of the tip. Felix wished this would never end, that the sex would never stop, but he could feel himself getting closer to his release. He thrusted faster still, making Ryan groan.

"Fuck...!" Ryan panted, rubbing himself harder. Felix could feel himself on the verge of coming. The heated coil in his abdomen was building. He drilled furiously into Ryan as he felt his release looming.

"Jävla helvete!" Felix screamed as he came hard inside Ryan. His hot seed shot up inside Ryan, body spasming with pleasure. His body jerked blissfully of it's own accord as he came down from his high. Felix had never cum so hard in his life!

Ryan too was groaning loudly, obviously on the verge of cuming as well. Still feeling the glorious aftershocks of his orgasm, Felix wrapped his own hand around Ryan's throbbing member and stroked it hard. It only took seconds.

"AHHH FELIX!" Sticky white liquid shot out of Ryan's slit, covering his bare chest with his own seed. Ryan's hips buckled as he came, waves of pleasure washing over his entire body like a tsunami. He was shivering almost violently by the end of it all, breath coming out in shallow gasps. Felix shuddered, still coming down from his high. Felix's whole body was shaking as his hammering heart slowly began to return to normal. After a few panting moments Felix slid his spent member from inside Ryan and collapsed beside him in a heap.

"Herregud..." Felix panted. His entire body was slick with sweat, he was shaking slightly and his breath was coming out in heavy pants.

"Holy shit..." Ryan agreed, snuggling up beside Felix. Felix let out a shaky laugh.

"Told you you wouldn't be disappointed Ryan...Here, I'll help you clean up" Felix pointed at the white mess that was sitting on the smooth plains of his stomach. He reached back into the draw he'd gotten the lube from and pulled out a tissue.

"That was...I mean...god!" Ryan laughed softly. Felix dabbed away the white on Ryan's chest. Ryan watched with hooded eyes as felix cleaned him up, except for one little white dop which Felix scooped up with his finger. Felix smirked and licked it off.

"Eww Felix that's gross..." Ryan scrunched his nose as Felix did it.

"You know, it doesn't taste as bad as I thought it would" Felix laughed and threw the used tissue on the bedside table.

"Whatever you say you nut" Ryan smiled.

"So...was it as good as you thought it would be?" Felix asked.

"Well...yeah! That was probably the single most full on thing I've ever experienced" Ryan smiled.

"Glad I lived up to your expectations" Felix laughed. Ryan sighed and put his head on Felix's chest. Felix smiled at the man on him and began to run his hand through the silky chocolate brown hair.

"...Definitely worth the wait" Ryan's voice was starting to slur as his eyes closed. Felix bent over and placed a kiss on Ryan's cheek, the scarred side. Felix watched as Ryan's eye opened slightly in a frown, then slowly shift into a look of happiness Felix had never properly seen on his face, then begin to drift off to sleep.

"Thank...you..." He muttered in barely more than a whisper.

"Sov gott Ryan ... sova gott"

* * *

Translations: 

Herregud Ryan! : Oh my god Ryan!

Är du redo? : Are you ready?

Så tight! : So tight!

Fan ta Ryan! : Fuck/Damn Ryan!

Jävla helvete! : Fucking hell!

Sov gott Ryan ... sova gott : Sleep well Ryan...sleep well


	9. Chapter 9

Ryan's POV 

_"Well come on then! What's taking you so long?" Felix's voice echoed from the tunnel behind Ryan._

"I'm coming, calm your tits" Ryan turned and ran around the corner. Felix was so damn impatient! He was just up ahead Ryan knew, checking out the rest of this cave thing. They'd been separated from Ken and Russ when the Darklings had ambushed them, so now the pair were trying to get back to the others. It was really annoying too; trying to be all sneaky down here was hard. Especially when every noise echoed twice as loud as normal.

"There you are, now come on before something else happens" Felix took Ryan by the hand as lead him along the stone passage. "I really don't want to bump into those freaks again"

"Hey, I was one those freaks once! They're really not that bad you know..." Ryan hated the way their group always called the Darklings evil, because they weren't. Ryan knew this for a fact. He had been one of them for ages before he got captured by Felix's group. As a matter of fact, Ryan was only helping Felix and Ken to prove a point. The Darkling's weren't a bunch of lawless monsters, they didn't know any other way. Just as Ryan hadn't.

When he had woken up after he had turned he couldn't remember a thing about his past life. The Darkling's had found him basically in a pool of blood, whose Ryan wasn't certain of, but it had defiantly been human. They took him in, taught him what it meant to be a vampire, and cared for him. What he didn't know is that the Darklings were raging a private war with King Celestial. The king believed that because the Darkling's harnessed their power through what he considered dark means, they should be wiped out... That and they stole one of the most powerful artifacts known to man from him. Ryan still bristled angrily at the thought. King Celestial had abused that thing, using it to control his subjects like puppets. We were doing the right thing by taking it away from him... __

Ok, Ryan admitted sometimes the Darklings took things a bit too far. They did raid questers camps and stole mercilessly, but it was all justifiable. All for the greater good... And he knew many people frowned upon their beliefs too. Ryan was raised by, and partly believed, humans were the weaker species, only useful for two things. The stronger humans for turning, the weaker for...well...for blood. Or food in the werewolves case, but in Ryan's case, blood.

Ryan wasn't ashamed to admit he felt no guilt about the whole killing thing, but he knew Felix was strongly opposed to any sort of killing. Which is why he had to be forced on this raid with Russ and Ken. King's orders so... no real choice there for him.

Felix was a warlock. He could use magic, to a certain extent. He was kinda new to the whole fighting thing, so he wasn't very good yet. It was funny to watch actually, him floundering about, trying to avoid being hit; he was definitely more of a healer than a warrior. Russ and Ken were both werewolves. Highly trained in battle too, unlike Felix. Ryan had heard all about their past quests and raids to great detail as they travelled here to the cave. Russ was quite smug about his strength too; often play fighting with Ryan as they went. There were others in their group; they had split into two groups before they entered the cave system to cover more ground.

In the second group was Red, another vampire, Scott, a warlock, and a human warrior known only by the name BattleStar. Ryan hadn't got to know them as well as Ken or Russ, but they were nice enough he supposed. Red was the only other vampire in the group so she was fun to talk to, despite their different beliefs. Scott was quite nice to Ryan. Ryan was pretty sure that he pitied him or felt some sort of sympathy towards him, but Ryan couldn't really understand why. He didn't want pity, he wanted them to understand him or at the very least be able to empathise with him. BattleStar on the other hand was quite up himself. He felt it was the highest honour to be handpicked by the king to be sent on such a "Vital" mission. He thought he was the greatest fighter of all time, which really annoyed Ryan to no end. He wasn't even a man yet for crying out loud! Ryan could tear out that stupid human's throat before he had time to blink...

Felix was the only one who understood him. The moment Ryan had laid eyes on him he knew. He wasn't sure how or why, but he knew. He loved him...No. Love wasn't a strong enough word to describe what he was feeling toward the sandy haired man. It was some sort of burning passion writhing inside him, devouring him, making him want to do anything for him. He would let a sword slide through his chest to protect the warlock. That's how strongly Ryan felt for Felix. He would die for him...

"Yeah, right, sorry...let's just get out of here. These caves are really starting to freak me out" Felix smiled apologetically and led on. I wonder if Felix even realises... I know he has feelings for me, that much is obvious...but is it anything like what I am feeling...? _Ryan sighed and made Felix stop._

"What?" He asked.

"That's the wrong way. That tunnel leads back to the entrance" Ryan was trying hard not to laugh as Felix blinked at the passageway and blushed.

"I-I knew that..." He mumbled.

"Just follow me numb nut..." Ryan laughed softly and turned down the western tunnel. Felix shook his head, but followed the chocolate haired man anyway.

Ryan knew this place like the back of his hand. Just a right, then a left, then follow for about twenty meters, then left again. Boom, just like that, Ryan can show them everything.

Ryan's heightened vision let him see near everything in the blackness, every speck of dust, every rock, every mark of claws or weapon. Felix on the other hand was grasping the walls, feeling around blind for Ryan.

"Why the fuck is it so dark down here?" Felix grumbled loudly. Well, to Felix his voice was almost a whisper, to Ryan it was as loud as the rocks that clattered to the floor as Felix ran his hands along them.

"Because we- I mean, the Darklings are trained to see in the dark, therefore we don't need much light. Besides, vampires and werewolves have good night vision" Ryan corrected himself. Not we _anymore, _them. __

"Do you mind if I...?" Felix held his hand out to Ryan. For a second, Ryan thought he wanted to hold his hand. But then he noticed the little golden sparks dancing between his fingers. Ryan felt himself instinctively shield away from it.

"Alright...just a little one...and make it out of fire, not...uh...that" Ryan pointed awkwardly at the pure white and gold sparks in Felix's hand.

"Oh...right...sorry" Felix apologised and let the sparks disappear.

" 'S fine" Ryan shrugged it off. Ryan knew Felix hadn't realised what he was doing, so it was alright.

Ryan was extremely vulnerable to what Felix had just summoned. Ryan didn't know it's real name, but in the Darkling's we...they had referred to it as light energy or power...and seeing as w-they got their powers through "dark" means... Not to say they we're inferior to it, because that's a downright lie. Another reason King Celestial is so afraid of us. At a long range we could easily crush light energy, but close up it hurt us dark users. Not much at first, but after long exposure it leaves us weak and feeling sick. But the exact same can be said for light users about dark energy so... Ryan had only had the displeasure to feel this once before and it wasn't exactly an experience he wanted to repeat.

"Better?" Felix asked as a small ball of glowing red fire flared into life in the palm of his hand. Ryan's cold skin could feel the heat of it the second it was lit. Not just that, but he could feel the heat of Felix's body grow slightly as magic flowed through him. He couldn't help himself; Ryan let out a very tiny moan and leaned slightly towards it. So warm... so... soft...

Felix sucked in a sharp breath of air. Ryan froze. Was...was he afraid of something? Ryan opened his eyes to look at the blonde. He was standing, mere centimetres away from Ryan, blue eyes piercing him with something Ryan couldn't quite discern. Wait...when the hell did he get this close to Felix? Ryan took a hasty step back, accidentally bumping into the wall.

"Fuck...I'm sorry Felix, I didn't realise I'd..." Ryan trailed away. Why the hell had he done that... God now Felix was looking at him... Ryan felt a weird feeling flit across his chest. Why was Felix looking at him like that? It wasn't a look he had seen anywhere before... yet it was oddly familiar...

Felix let the fire die in his hands. Ryan opened his mouth to say something...but was stopped short by another. Ryan gasped. Felix had pressed his mouth against Ryan's, lightly brushing his lips over the brunets. Ryan couldn't comprehend what was happening. He just stood there dumbfounded as Felix withdrew slightly to look at him. Ryan's heart was pounding faster than it had ever done in his life, threatening to leap out of his chest and attack Felix...in a good way.

"Felix...I..." Ryan didn't know what to say. He couldn't seem to form words anymore.

"Sorry...I couldn't help myself...y-you don't mind do you?" Felix blushed softly. Ryan's mouth gaped open for a few seconds, trying to find the words he wanted to use.

"I...uh...ple..." Ryan's voice wouldn't work for him... well...actions speak louder than words...

Ryan grabbed the front of Felix's blue robes and pulled him close. He took Felix's face in his hands and kissed him tentatively. Ryan felt the blonde grin and pressed him up against the stone wall. Ryan couldn't help but moan as Felix ran his tongue along Ryan's bottom lip, asking permission. Ryan let his mouth go slack and Felix pushed his tongue inside. Ryan used his strength to crush Felix against him, needing more contact. He couldn't help it. He tasted so damn good! Ryan felt his fangs slid down, nearly stabbing Felix's tongue in the process.

Felix didn't seem to notice, that or he didn't care. As a matter of fact, Felix was using it to his advantage. Ryan could barely contain himself as Felix ran his wet tongue along his erect canines. He could taste Felix's saltiness, and it was making him moan and shiver in barely contained pleasure, made all the more real as he felt a hand running up the inside of his thigh. It just felt...so...so

"F-fuck..." Ryan moaned as Felix playfully bit his lip.

"Heh, I wasn't sure you'd let me do that" Felix grinned, eyes slightly hazy. Ryan bit his lip as Felix's hand trailed closer and closer to his tingling bulge.

"Ah fuck..." Ryan swore as his fangs pierced his soft lip. He tasted blood welling up on his lip...and couldn't help but lick it off. Sure it was his own blood, but it still tasted good...

"Bit excited are we?" Felix smirked.

"S-shut up and get your ass back here" Ryan grabbed Felix and attacked his mouth again with a new vigour. He just wanted Felix to do things to him, what he wasn't to sure, but Ryan knew he wanted it, bad. Ryan had to break away from their kiss to gasp as Felix ran a finger down the front of his pants. Felix grinned wickedly before cupping Ryan's growing bulge.

Ryan groaned as a stab or arousal shot through him. He had never thought it would feel...so...so... 

...

Ryan awoke with a jolt as a weight was dropped on top of him. He slowly opened his eyes with a grumble. Maya's chubby happy face sat next to Ryan, tongue lolling out dopily, snuggling into the arm that was draped over Ryan's shoulders. Wait what? Ryan's eyes followed the strong, protective hands wrapped around him, ending at the half dazed face of Felix. His light browny blonde hair was tosseled and scruffy, sticking up in an incredibly adorable way. His icy blue eyes were out of focus and slightly confused, trying hard to focus on the dog demanding his attention. And of course, he was completely naked. If Ryan was more awake, he probably would have blushed at this, but his mind was more occupied. Must...remember...dream...

He pushed the dog off his side and felt around for his note book and reading glasses. He'd only put them here yesterday... his fingers ran back and forth across the wooden side table, trying to find the book and pencil. Felix groaned as the dog licked his face.

"Maya please..." Felix pushed the little dog away from his face, not that that broke it's spirit in any way. Ryan had found his glasses and slid them onto his face, flicking through the pages of the book to find a blank page. Must...remember dream! When he finally found a clean page Ryan pressed his pencil to the paper and scribbled down the first thing he remembered about the dream.

"What...what are you doing...?" Felix mumbled, rubbing the dog saliva off his face.

"Writing..." Ryan slurred, not yet completely coherent.

"Writing what?" Felix asked.

"Dream..." Ryan muttered and pushed the black rimmed glasses back up his nose as it tried to slide down. His pencil scribbled furiously across the page, determined to write it all down before it slipped from his mind. Must remember...

"Why?" Felix asked again. Ryan wanted to reply, but his brain couldn't find any words yet. He was still in that sort of half asleep state where you mind is just spouting random crap that disappears from memory almost the second it's out, yet as you think it it all makes perfect sense.

The dog snarfed at Felix again. The Swede smiled at the pug and rubbed its head affectionately.

"What you want girl? You wanna go out? Vill du gå ut? Jag tror att du gör. Ja du gör!" Felix cooed at the happy pug. Ryan sat up and allowed Felix's arm to slide out from under him.

"I'll just go let the dog out, be right back" Felix pushed himself off the bed and pulled on his boxers. Ryan weakly nodded. He was too busy trying to concentrate. Felix laughed softly and pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms. Blue with little cows across them and a pink silk ribbon. Rather cute actually...

_Then we were attacked by those people and got separated. Me and Felix went off down a tunnel to find Russ and Ken again. Felix got us lost for awhile. I pointed us in the right direction. Not sure how but it ended up with us MO again. Woke up (Maya)_

Ryan sighed and looked back at the page. _Done...and I'm pretty sure I got a majority of it too. Good. _MO was his way of writing made or making out, just in case anyone for some weird reason tried to read it. That way they wouldn't think he was some kind of perv. Ryan placed the book back on the bedside table and stretched out. He felt incredibly sore and stiff, his joints all popping as he twisted his body. No wonder considering... Now Ryan was blushing.

_Oh god...did we really do that? Oh wow...we did... _Ryan felt incredibly girlish for doing so, but he let out a little giggle. He had actually done it! He and Felix, they had really had sex. Ryan had never felt more happy in his life. This had been exactly what he had been dreaming about since the moment he first met Felix, and it had actually happened. If anyone could see Ryan right now, they would think he was fangirling. And in all truth, he kinda was.

Ryan, finally awake now, sat on his knees as he heard Felix returning, blanket drapsed lazily over his legs.

"Dumma hund ... det är bara åtta på jävla morgonen ... oh, why hello there!" Felix broke out into a wide grin as he took in Ryan sitting on the bed.

" 'Sup. Done writing" Ryan let a small smile slip onto his face. Now that he was more awake, he could fully appreciate the topless, bedraggled Swede before him. It sent a little flit through his body.

"I didn't know you wore glasses" Felix smiled.

"Just for reading and writing...I don't really need them... but they sometimes make it easier to play and shit because my eyes start to fuck up after awhile" Ryan shrugged.

"Cool...I only wear mine if I have a headache...What were you writing about?" Felix asked, a sly look crossing his face.

"I like to write down my good dreams that I want to turn into stories or just don't want to forget. And this one was a particularly good one" Ryan watched as Felix crossed the room and stood right before him, looking down on him with that same look on his face. He could tell exactly what Ryan was thinking. And he loved it.

"Was I in it?" Felix already knew the answer; it was clearly etched into Ryan's face before he had even spoken. Ryan let his glasses slide down his nose, so his eyes glistened over the tops of their black rims.

"Why I believe you were kind sir!" Ryan said in his English accent, shifting so he was facing Felix completely, trying to show off his smooth, very slightly muscular pale stomach as he did so.

"And what exactly did I do in your dream?" Felix grinned. Ryan bit his lip and sat up.

"Well, I think it went a little something like this..." Ryan said in his usual voice. He slowly took Felix's face in his hands and pulled him down towards him, lips parted slightly. Felix let Ryan guide him to his waiting mouth. Their mouths met gently in the middle, Ryan slowly moving his lips against Felix's. Felix moaned and wrapped his arms around Ryan's skinny frame, running his strong thumb along his tail bone. Ryan suppressed a shudder and gently pushed his tongue inside Felix's mouth. He only felt resistance for a brief second before Felix backed off, letting Ryan take control. Ryan was actually surprised by this, he had expected Felix to want to be the dominant one again, but he had let Ryan take him so easily. What's he playing at...?

Ryan yelped as Felix gave his tongue a sharp nip.

"Ow what the hell?" Ryan complained as his tongue gave a uncomfortable throb.

"Just keeping my Uke in check" Felix winked. "Besides, we've got work to do"

...

Ryan had been reading some comments from his latest video, his vlog of Italy one, when Felix had called him over laughing.

"H-have you s-seen these y-yet! Oh my god t-there hilarious!" Felix giggled. Ryan sighed and got up from the couch. This had better have been good, he'd only just got comfortable...

"What is it?" Ryan asked wearily. It was just past lunch time and he was still feeling exhausted. And he had the livestream coming up he was trying to figure out...

"Oh the fangirls!" He was close to tears, that's how hard he was laughing. Ryan pushed him aside so he could get a closer look. It was the very first SCP video, and the comments had gone wild with pewdiecry fangirls...

**OMG THAT IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!**

NAAAAWWWWW!

You two are so damn cute ^_^

Now...KISS!

Guys would you all please shut up! They're just friends!

Sure, "friends"

NOSEBLEED!

I can't see cry's face but I can tell he is adorable! You're so lucky pewds :P

I WANT MORE NOW! *nose bleeds and dies on floor* 

"Oh my god...I didn't think it would be this bad" Ryan let a grin slid onto his face.

"Me either!" Felix laughed. Page after page, the same thing. Fangirls dying, and one or two fanboys which surprised Ryan a bit, freaking out over him and Felix.

"The other one's just as bad. People are really obsessed with us aren't they" Felix winked.

"Imagine if they knew" Ryan's grin widened at the thought. So did Felix's.

"So you done for the day?" Ryan asked hopefully. Felix shook his head.

"Nope, still got to record me some happy wheels, I won't be done for awhile" Felix sighed.

"I thought you gave up on happy wheels" Ryan scratched his chin.

"I did, but people really wanted it back so... yeah...I promised every two weeks or so I'd make one...if the page would fucking load..." Felix sighed. "Stupid thing...why you so damn hard!"

Ryan couldn't help but giggle at this.

"Oh...Get your mind outta the gutter Cry!" Felix joked.

"Make me!" Ryan poked his tongue out at Felix.

"Don't make me come over there!" Felix threatened.

"OOOOH I'm so scared! Don't kill me with your mouse!" Ryan put his hands up to beg jokingly.

"Oh girl imma cut you up with this mouse so bad I'll have you drinking your chocolate milk through a straw biaatch!" Felix snapped his fingers and gave him that crazy eye thing he does. Ryan burst out laughing.

"That made no sense at all!" He laughed.

"Your toenail doesn't make any sense!" Felix retorted. Ryan gasped.

"How did you know about that!?" He pretended to be astonished.

"I KNOW ALL!" Felix threw his hands up into the air like a mad scientist and laughed. Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Of course you do genius"

"HEY! I'll have you know I have two genius awards! How many do you have?" Felix flaunted.

"I don't need an award, I already know I'm a genius. Besides, I'm older than you anyway" Ryan smirked as he watched Felix begin to pout.

"By one year!" Felix laughed.

"Still older pewds. Do your maths genius" Ryan grinned.

"Meanie...you calling me dumb" He frowned.

"No, I'm calling you special" Ryan was trying hard not to laugh now, Felix's face was too priceless.

"Why!? I thought we were friends!" Felix fake sobbed.

"Yeah yeah whatever, I'll be in my room if you need me, your page has loaded" Ryan waved Felix away.

"Whatever! How could you say that I- oh it has too! Ok, I better get started then. I'll come up there when I'm done" Felix faced the screen again.

"Don't rush yourself, just have fun. I'll be fine, I need to sort some stuff out with Russ anyway" Ryan turned and left the room.

"Kay!" Felix called after him. Ryan shook his head and leapt up the stairs in a single bound. He could already hear Felix setting up his intro.

Ryan closed the door behind him and sighed. He wished Felix didn't have to work right now... he really wanted to...um... Ryan shook his head to clear away the thoughts._Stop it brain! _

Ok, he knew when it was mid afternoon here in Italy it was somewhere around midnight back in the US, give or take an hour. The live stream tomorrow would probably have to start at lunch time and go until about seven-ish here. God damn it, why can't the world all operate in the same time zone! Night here, day there, day here, night there. It was just so damn confusing... And Russ was already asleep the dick! Ryan frowned at the computer screen as he read the last message he got an hour or so ago.

**Ru$$ Money: I'm going to sleep, speak to you tomorrow Cry **

Grrr, just when he wanted to talk to him the basted had to be sleeping... Stupid Russ...Ryan sat there lost. He'd done everything he'd wanted to do today...except... Stop it! The computer sat on his lap, waiting for him to do something... To kill time, Ryan just started to play little online game, a stupid one he hadn't played in ages. Dino Run. It was a simple, pixel game that was actually kinda fun after awhile. Collect the eggs, escape the black wall of doom, eat the little animals, put on stupid hats... Ryan had put in the hats cheat, don8tosaur, and was now a red dinosaur with a Mario hat on. Ryan was already up to the third level, he was pretty damn good at the game. He'd gotten one of the super eggs, the easy one, and was trying to jump over the big fat stegosauruses that blocked the path.

"Come on move!" He snarled at the pixelated dinosaurs as the screen began to grow darker, a rumbling coming through his headphones. Ryan managed to climb over it at last...and somehow managed to fall into a ditch.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO!" Ryan yelled as the black wall of doom swallowed his dinosaur up, screen turning black.

**Extinct. **

"God damn it..." Ryan frowned at the screen. He really couldn't be stuffed to press replay, and he didn't really feel like it anyway. All he wanted to do was...

Ryan could hear Felix's shouts all the way across the house. _Damn he's loud...dirty thought..Again... Uhg I've really gotta calm down... _All day Ryan had had one thought impregnated on his mind, what he had done with Felix last night. He couldn't help it. It had been the single most amazing thing he had ever felt in his life. Ryan's mind had been flooded with image after image of Felix, of himself, of the things they had done. Ryan could feel heat flooding his cheeks just at the thought of it.

Ryan desperately wanted to do it again. He needed Felix now more than ever, but he was busy making a video. So Ryan just sat there, idly fiddling around with his computer, trying to ignore his racing heart. But it was just so damn hard! Arg dirty thoughts again!

Felix's loud hyena laughter echoed up the stairs. _God he's not going to be done for ages... HRG WHY! Why is he so goddamn slow... it's been ages...the video can't take that long can it? _A little thought popped into Ryan's head. _Felix won't be done for awhile now...maybe I could... _Ryan's chest gave a guilty flutter at this thought, but never the less, he peeked over the tops of his glasses to check the door. Still closed, Felix could still be heard talking to himself. _Maybe... Who am I kidding, I really need this. _

Ryan opened up one of his secret bookmarked pages and scrolled through the immediate results. It was amazing how fast this shit loaded... but then again, this sort of thing was what the internet was made for. Ryan once again checked the door nervously before unzipping his pants. He felt kinda bad about doing this in Felix's house but... he needed to be touched. Desperately.

Ryan made sure the volume was down and the headphones were fully in... Then hit play.

_Two men, probably in their mid twenties, were laying on a bed kissing roughly. You could see their tongues dancing together passionately. The older looking one was running his hands along the waist of the smaller man. He had long, silky black hair that reached halfway down his back with the fringe dyed red. The younger looking one had short spiky black hair that swept to the right. The older man's fingers trailed over the man's thin hips, edging closer and closer to his hardened member. The short haired man gasped and shivered as the older beneath him began to stroke his erect length._

"Haah! No fair, you promised I could be the Seme" The plain black haired man complained. The red tipped one laughed.

"Oh all right. Do it then. Take me" He commanded in a husky voice.

"With pleasure" 

Ryan grunted as he began to stroke his now hardening length.

_The smaller, and ten times more attractive boy produced a pair of handcuffs and winked. He grabbed the older man's wrists and pinned them above his head. The older man grinned and allowed his wrists to get cuffed to the headboard of the bed. The younger one smirked and pinched the other man's nipples, none too gently either. _

Ryan had shivered as he watched. Oh wow...imagine if Felix would do that to me...! Ryan's hand moved even more vigorously as he imagined it.

_The younger man had something dark grey in his hand. It looked like it was made from silk. A blindfold. He had placed it over the man beneath him's eyes and was tying it behind his head. The younger man grinned with satisfaction and began to play with the bound man's member. The raven haired man bit his lip and groaned softly. As did Ryan._

The video continued like this for awhile, the man with short black hair nipping and teasing the older man until he was positively quivering, almost begging for release.

"Ah...M-Mark!" The red fringed man moaned heatedly.

"Yeah?" He said casually. "What is it?"

"Y-you know what. Quit playing with me and just do it already" The bound man's voice quivered as he spoke.

"Maybe...if you beg" The one called Mark smirked.

"You are evil..." The other one laughed shakily. Mark's eyebrows raised slightly and withdrew his hands.

"Well then I guess you don't want to-" "No wait, don't stop" The bound man sounded almost desperate.

"Please don't stop...I-I need you" He begged.

"Much better Sam" Mark praised him and reached for something that was out of shot. For a few seconds the guy called Sam lay there panting heavily while Mark got whatever it it he was after.

"Here we are" Mark came back into shot holding ...Oh wow... _A big purple vibrator._

"AH YES!" Sam cried out as the device was slid inside him. Mark laughed and began to slide it back and forth, the device only set to a low buzz.

Ryan was getting close; he could feel the familiar coil building in his stomach, ready to burst. Just a few...more...tugs...

A shadow fell across Ryan. He made the mistake to look up.

"JESUS CHRIST FELIX!" Ryan screamed and covered himself in shock. Felix was standing at the door watching him, for how long Ryan didn't know. And was he imagining it, or was Felix laughing? No...he was laughing. Ryan turned bright red with embarrassment.

"Heh...what 'cha doin' there Ryan?" He snickered.

"N-Nothing!" Ryan stuttered. This for some reason made Felix chuckle even harder. He slowly walked over to where Ryan sat, as if he were a lion stalking his prey. Felix flicked the screen open, it had closed when Ryan had jumped to cover himself.

"Ooh! Just a bit kinky there Ryan" Felix teased. "How dare you"

"Wha...?" Ryan was finding it hard to concentrate; the uncomfortable throbbing under the blanket was making it hard to think straight.

"While I'm down there working my ass off, wanting nothing more than to come up here and do _that _, you've already started without me!" Felix pouted.

"...sorry what?" Ryan couldn't comprehend what Felix was saying. Felix picked up the laptop and placed it on the bed side table.

"You're a dope" Felix smiled and crawled across the bed so he hovered over Ryan's shaking body. He ran a finger along the ridge of Ryan's scar. Ryan could barely feel it, but he still gave a little shudder as Felix trailed his finger along his marred skin. Then he felt Felix's lips brush lightly against his throat.

"Beautiful...sexy...dope" He breathed in Ryan's ear. Ryan's eyes squeezed shut as he felt Felix peel back the sheets, along with his top, exposing his body to the cold air. His shirt rode up to his chin as Felix's hands ran the length of his chest. He bit his lip hard as Felix's fingers began to slowly circle his erect nipples. Little erotic pricks shot through Ryan's body as Felix gave his nubs a little flick. How did Felix know exactly what to do to get him going? He couldn't help but gasp as something hot and wet flicked across his nipples.

"Ha... oh my, fuck!" Ryan hissed at the feeling of Felix's mouth as he began to lightly suck on his left nipple. He could feel Felix's hot tongue rolling around his sensitive spot in a gentle caress that sent little jolts down Ryan's spine.

"You're so sensitive Ryan, its cute" Felix grinned wickedly before moving his mouth back down to the right one this time. What was he...?

"Ah!" Ryan gasped as Felix gave Ryan's hard bump a little nip. "That hurt!"

"No it didn't" Felix said.

"Yes it did you jerk!" Ryan frowned.

"Oh come on, don't pretend like you didn't like it" Felix trailed a finger seductively down Ryan's chest. Ryan just continued to pout. In truth, he did like it. In fact, he liked it a lot. But Ryan didn't want to give Felix the satisfaction of having him say it aloud.

Felix frowned and got up on his knees.

"Well fine then! If you don't want me to continue I'll just go back down stairs and-" "NO!" Ryan cut him off. Felix grinned smugly at this. Damn it...

"D-I-I mean...please?" Ryan tried to keep the desperation out of his voice. Felix let out a long, obviously fake sigh.

"Well I suppose I could..." Felix mused. He was just teasing Ryan now.

"Stop being an ass and..." Ryan's voice caught in his throat, making it impossible to say what he was thinking.

"And?" Felix raised an eyebrow.

"...you know..." Ryan mumbled.

"Ya know, I don't think I really do" Felix teased.

"Of course you bloody do!" Ryan said.

"Hmmm...is it something to do with this?" Felix ran a finger slowly down Ryan's shaft.

"Ahh...Felix please...it hurts" Ryan groaned desperately. This seemed to please Felix a lot.

"That's a bit better! Now then, would you like me to do this?" Felix pulled Ryan's pants down further and let his tongue flick lightly over Ryan's slit. Ryan gasped.

"HA! Yeeesss!" Ryan hissed as Felix ran his tongue around his head. "Please!"

"Good uke" Felix praised Ryan as if he was a dog. Ryan rolled his eyes...but that quickly turned into a lust filled moan as Felix enveloped his tip. He clenched the bed sheets as a rushing sensation went up his spin. Ryan gasped as Felix started bobbing his head, taking more of his throbbing member in his mouth. Ryan couldn't keep from moaning anymore, he tilted his head back and mewled in pleasure.

Ryan had never felt anything like it before. He'd dreamt about it sure, but nothing compared to the real thing. He'd never thought it would feel so damn good! The feeling of Felix's hot, wet mouth sliding up and down his erect member, tongue rolling around his shaft, teeth occasionally brushing the sides, was fucking amazing! He felt Felix run his tounge over one of his throbbing veins, sending spasms up his spine.

Ryan's hand had automatically moved from the sheets and had found their way to the back of Felix's head, fingers intertwining in his silky hair. He hadn't realised he'd done it, but he was gripping Felix's hair hard, trying to get him to go deeper. Felix let out a little hum of amusement, sending glorious vibrations through Ryan's body. Ryan groaned loudly at this.

Writhing beneath the Swede, Ryan couldn't control his body anymore. He moaned like a porn star as Felix brought him closer and closer to that sweet release he desperately craved. Ryan couldn't help himself, his hips bucked upwards, thrusting into Felix's mouth. He pulled on the lightly coloured hair in his hands harshly as Ryan felt that same feeling building in his abdomen.

"Hrg...Felix I...I'm...haaahh" Ryan groaned loudly. At these words, Felix began to suck even harder, causing Ryan's tip to hit the back of Felix's throat as he bobbed his head. Ryan panted heavily as he edged closer and closer to release...

"FELIX!" Ryan screamed the Swede's name as he finally came hard; his seed exploding into Felix's waiting mouth. Waves of pleasure washed over Ryan as he orgasmed at last. He felt Felix swallow all he had to offer, moaning softly as he did so. Ryan's hips buckled as his body spasmed with pleasure. He gasped and panted as his body eventually began to settle.

After a second or so, Felix pulled away, letting Ryan's spent member flop onto his stomach.

"D' you enjoy yourself there Ryan?" Felix smirked.

"Uh...y-yeah" Ryan panted weakly.

"Heh, thought you might" Felix grinned. Ryan gave a shaky smile back, heart still hammering in his chest.

"You really liked that didn't you?" Felix laughed.

"S-shut up..." Ryan blushed. Felix snickered and got on his knees.

"Well then, I guess it's my turn"

* * *

Translations: 

vill du gå ut? Jag tror att du gör. Ja du gör! - do you want to go outside? I think you do. Yes you do!

Dumma hund ... det är bara åtta på jävla morgonen ... Stupid dog...it's only eight o'clock in the damn morning


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N : I'm sorry this has taken so long, i've had the worst writers block ever lately so I don't know if this is as good as it usually is so... :/  
Just out of curiosity though, are there any guys that read this? I'd really like to know.  
Ok, enough babble, enjoy _

* * *

Ryan's POV 

Ryan had never before felt such...such...he didn't even know what to call it. He was happy, he was nervous, he was excited, and he was hot as hell. He didn't even know that those could all mix, but here Ryan was, sweating with excitement as he watched Felix undressing himself. Sounds weird right? Ryan was actually getting off to Felix sliding off his blue T-shirt and slowly unbuttoning his jeans.

"You getting a good look you perv?" Felix joked.

"I'd say a bit better than good" Ryan smirked. He was still dressed, not having planned for this to happen, so when Felix began to crawl over the bed sheets to pin Ryan to the bed, Ryan could feel their jeans rub together, sending shivers up his spine. He wasn't sure why, but he loved the feel of Felix's hands running up his black skinny leg jeans, it just made him...shudder. His glasses had started to slide down Ryan's nose, sitting crookedly on his face in quite a cute way. He knew Felix thought so too.

"Damn right it's better than good! I'm fucking amazing!" Felix proclaimed smugly.

"Shut the hell up" Ryan grabbed the self obsessed Swede and pulled him to his lips. Felix chuckled as Ryan attacked his lips, energy finally coming back to him. He pressed their bodies together, arms wrapped tightly around his broad shoulders, needing to feel every inch of the Swede. Felix leaned over the top of Ryan, trying to force his tongue inside Ryan's mouth. _Not a chance Pewdie!_ Ryan fought back against Felix, wanting to be the dominant one this time. He felt Felix's surprise as Ryan flipped him over, so Ryan straddled him. Felix blinked in surprise as Ryan pinned him to the bed, arms above his head.

"I might not look it, but I do work out ya know" Ryan smirked. Felix grinned.

"Well well well! Never would have guessed you'd try to top" Felix chuckled.

"Guess you were wrong" Ryan said. He ran a finger down Felix's bare chest and flicked his stomach. Felix tried to protest, but Ryan clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Payback's a bitch Felix. My turn to have some fun" Ryan whispered seductively in his ear. He drew back with a grin, staring down at the younger man. Felix seemed way to happy about this... he's up to something...

"EWW!" Ryan whipped his hand away as something wet ran across it. Felix started to laugh.

"Are you serious?" Felix giggled evilly. "What, don't you like my tongue anymore?"

"Shut up before I gag you..." Ryan grumbled, wiping his hand off on Felix's pants.

"With what may I ask?" Felix said.

"...something" Ryan replied lamely. Felix just laughed again. Ryan rolled his eyes. Someone needs to teach him a lesson...

Ryan, still pinning Felix's arms above his head, leant down to run his tongue along the Swede's collar bone. This stopped that ridiculous laugh. Felix gasped softly as Ryan began to suck the soft skin of his neck, making the blood rise in his cheeks. Ryan didn't do it gently either, he wanted it to mark! Ryan pulled away to see the satisfyingly large red blotch against Felix's olive skin. With a smirk, Ryan bit Felix's neck.

"Ah! Ryan!" Felix gasped as teeth sunk into his neck. Ryan smirked and did it again, a little bit harder this time.

"Ahhh that hurts!" Felix squirmed.

"Then why did you moan?" Ryan asked smugly. Felix opened his mouth to answer...then closed it again. Ryan giggled.

"Exactly...now then..." Ryan moved his hands down, dragging Felix's with them, and pinned them down with his knees.

"You really that determined to hold me here?" Felix laughed.

"Yes, sit still" Ryan tried to command the Swede.

"Yes sir!" Felix giggled. Ryan ignored this and shifted his weight so he could pull down Felix's pants. He hooked a finger through the loop of his pants and began to tug them down. Felix watched, cheeks turning steadily more pink, as Ryan slipped them to his knees, then turned his attention to his underwear. He couldn't help but giggle. He was wearing the ones with the fancy face and a mustache.

"What? You got a problem with my undies?!" Felix yelled jokingly.

"They're so...c-c-cute ahaha!" Ryan laughed.

"Shuddup Cry! They're adorable!" Felix grinned.

"And so are you" Ryan said, running a finger along the inside of Felix's thigh. He felt the Swede shiver under his touch.

"Don't I know it!" Felix chuckled. He's so damn full of himself... Ryan smirked and lightly traced a finger across Felix's crotch. Felix bit his lip to keep back a gasp as Ryan began to slowly rub the bulge, straining to get free. Ryan felt Felix's hands tense as he held them by his sides.

"Hmmff!" Felix panted as Ryan dipped a hand into his underwear to touch his heated length. Ryan felt the hardness twitch slightly as he ran his hand along it, rubbing it at a deliberately slow pace. Maybe it was just that video wearing off on him, but he wanted Felix to beg him for this. He wanted to see Felix sweat, to scream, to be reduced to a smoldering wreck... but Felix wasn't being very cooperative today.

Ryan could feel Felix's hands sliding out from under his legs, trying to break free. Ryan smirked. _ Not a chance! _Ryan deliberately pressed his legs down on the wriggling hands, stopping them dead.

"Ah, Ryan that hurts!" Felix gasped.

"No it doesn't" Ryan used the same line Felix had used on him. Felix rolled his eyes.

"Come on! I won't try to escape or anything! I actually like this! I just want to get those jeans off you" Felix nodded to the black skinnies that sat undone just below Ryan's hips. Ryan sighed.

"Fine, but try anything and I _will _find some sort of way to tie you up!" Ryan shifted, letting Felix slid his hands free.

"Ahh better...now then, stand up and take those off" Felix commanded.

"Hey, who's in charge here?" Ryan said strongly.

"Why don't you take off those pants and find out?" Felix smirked, putting his hands under his head. Ryan glared at him for a second...then stood. Felix watched with a very cocky grin as Ryan pulled down the black jeans and cast them aside, along with his red underwear.

"Much better!" Felix said, that stupid grin still on his face. Ryan got back on top of him and kissed him hard. He forced his tongue deep into Felix's mouth, and was met with no resistance. Ryan like this! Being in charge was fun!

Ryan felt his own hard member meet Felix's, the two lengths touching together heatedly. Ryan moaned slightly at the feel. An idea popped into his mind which made him flush, but that didn't stop him from doing it. He began to grind himself onto Felix, rubbing their two erections against each other.

"Faaan!" Felix moaned in Swedish, gripping Ryan's legs hard. Ryan grinned. He like the fact he could make him forget English! He did it again, but much harder, feeling the Swede groan under him. Ryan felt little stabs of pleasure rush through him each time he moved his hips against Felix's, making him moan softly. He watched as Felix's face turned an even deeper shade of red, skin starting to glisten with sweat. _If I keep this up much longer he's going to finish before I do... _

Ryan reached over to the bedside table, where the bottle of lube from yesterday still sat. He grabbed it...then became quite unsure of himself. He had no idea how to do it, he'd only received. _Do I...no, maybe I should...god damn it! _

"Heh, look a bit lost there Cry" Felix snickered.

"Shut up I am not! I'm just...figuring it out 's all" Ryan pouted.

"Want some help?" Felix asked silkily. He took the bottle from Ryan's hands with a smirk. Ryan let him go without complaint. He stopped rubbing himself against Felix as he felt a strong hand running along his spine, over his rear and rested before his entrance. Ryan shivered as he felt the cold lubricant being spread around his hole, Felix's fingers tracing the rim. He had to stop himself from moaning by biting his lip when Felix slid his fingers inside him.

Ryan's heart was beating a million miles a minute as Felix fingered him, stretching his insides. His breath came out in shallow gasps, not wanting to cry out or scream in the weird painful pleasure he was feeling. So, to keep his mouth busy, Ryan attacked Felix's mouth. As in, literally attacked it. Ryan had never given such a wet, sloppy kiss in his life. He ran his tongue over Felix's lips, all around the pink skin, throughout the inside of his mouth, basically anywhere he could get it. And it was fucking amazing!

Ryan gave a small disappointed grunt when Felix finally removed his fingers, deeming Ryan stretched enough. Ryan watched as Felix ran a lubed hand along his own shaft, whimpering slightly as he did so. _Poor Felix...that's starting to look painful... better take care of it for him. _

Ryan shifted back, so he hovered over Felix's erect length, and smirked. He knew exactly what he was going to do. Felix was going to love this! Ryan took Felix's member, steadied himself, and slowly began to slid himself down it. He whimpered with discomfort as he felt the largeness enter him, consuming him like fire. He heard Felix gasp and grip his thighs tightly. Ryan panted as Felix's length sheathed itself deep inside his body, lightly brushing his prostate. A slight pain twinged through his body, but it was easy to ignore. He waited until he got used to the feeling of it inside him before he moved.

"Ahhh knulla mig!"Felix groaned loudly as Ryan began to move. He had slowly begun to slide himself up and down Felix's shaft, hands splayed across the Swede's chest. Ryan moaned at the feeling of Felix's member sliding slickly inside him. Felix grabbed Ryan's hips hard, fingers digging into his skin, as Ryan continued to ride him, gradually picking up speed as he did so.

"Fuck AHH!" Ryan gasped as Felix began to move his hips in time with his own, making his member brush his sensitive spot. Pleasure stabbed though Ryan like a knife, driving down deep into his core, making him moan louder than he should have. So much for trying to sound manly...

"Ryan ... du är ... så ... varmt!" Felix panted, English long forgotten. Ryan figured it must have been something dirty though, it wasn't hard to tell. Ryan grinned and began to move himself faster. He slammed himself onto Felix, skin slapping against skin as Ryan rode him hard. He could feel sweat beading in his pores, rolling down his body as his heart raced a hundred miles a minute.

"Haaaahhhh" Ryan moaned as one of Felix's strong gamer hands found its way to his throbbing member. Felix began to run his hand up and down his shaft, pumping Ryan hard with a loose fist. Ryan's eyes squeezed shut, a slight frown crossing his face as Felix rubbed him. It just felt...so...good!

Ryan bounced up and down, sliding along Felix's length furiously. His legs were starting to burn, but he forced himself to keep moving. It just felt too good to stop moving, even for a second. But Felix could tell he was getting tired. Gripping Ryan's hip hard he began to buck underneath him, hitting his sweet spot repeatedly. Ryan couldn't control his mouth anymore.

"AHH FUCK FELIIIIXXXX!" Ryan slurred, a small bead of saliva escaping the corner of his mouth. His fingers dug into Felix's chest, knuckles turning white with the strength of it. He could already feel the heat building inside him, begging for release.  
"I'm...gunna..." Ryan panted.

"Mig ... alltför" Felix gasped. Ryan assumed that meant 'me too'.

"To...together?" Ryan asked breathily. Felix couldn't speak, only nod slightly.  
Ryan used the very last of his energy to slam himself onto Felix roughly, making the Swede go deep inside him. Felix pumped his hand furiously along Ryan's throbbing length. His hips moved in time with Ryan's, matching the force of each bounce Ryan gave. It was enough to send him over the edge.

"Ah, ah, AH, AHHHHHHHH" Ryan cried out as he finally came. White spurted out from his slit, covering Felix's chest with his seed.

"Gaaahhh JÄVLA HELVETE!" Felix screamed. Ryan felt red hot liquid fill up his insides, giving fire to his orgasm. Ryan's hips bucked as wave after wave of pleasure attacked him, leaving him a shaking wreak. His mouth gaped as he came hard, member twitching with the sheer force of it. His body spasmed as he came down from his high. His heart hammered in his chest as he sat there, breathing heavily.

Ryan was gasping for breath by the time he had finished. He was aware of the saliva running down his chin, but really couldn't be stuffed to wipe it away. He didn't want to ever move again... but he had to. Ryan lifted his body up, allowing Felix's wet spent member slide out of him, then collapsed onto his chest.

"Hah...hah...fuck me...!" Ryan gasped. He just couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs. Felix let out a shaky laugh.

"Hehe, I-I thought I just did" Felix grinned.

"Hah, shut the fuck up" Ryan laughed. He looked down into the hazy blue eyes beneath him and snickered.

"Woops" Ryan smirked, wiping away the splashes of white on Felix's face with the corner of the sheets.

" 's ok, I don't mind" Felix smiled. Ryan ignored him and continued to clean him up a bit.

"You're an idiot..." Ryan shook his head.

"Yeah but imma damn sexy one"

"Shut up" Ryan said, putting his head on Felix's chest. He could feel something wet running down his leg, but Ryan didn't have enough energy to get up and clean it. All he could manage was to slide off the top of Felix and curl into his side.

"Geez we made a mess again..."Felix said, looking at the cum sticking to their chests, the sheets, Ryan's legs, pretty much wet white stains everywhere. The fact some of the lube had spilt didn't help.

"Yeah...can't be stuffed moving so...I'm just going to go sleep on you now" Ryan said, snuggling up into Felix's side.

"Good idea, I'll be your pillow. As long as you can resist my charm that is" Felix smirked.

"Don't be so narcissistic Felix I'm trying to get comfortable here" Ryan jabbed him in the side. Felix laughed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"Haha, make me!...Hey...Ryan?" Felix looked over at the American.

"Yeah?" Ryan said.

"I...I just...I just wanted to say...ah fan... Thank you"

"Thank you?" Ryan blinked up at him, confused.

"Yeah. Thanks for... things" Felix trailed away.

"Things? Really?" Ryan laughed.

"Never mind, I-I don't know where I was going with that..." Felix shook his head.

"Right...I'm gunna sleep now...wake me up if anything interesting happens" Ryan sighed.

Ryan never thought he could be so...happy. So, content. Something inside him was changing, a hole being filled. Slowly mark you, but still there. Felix was patching the hole life had left inside Ryan, with what Ryan couldn't tell, but he couldn't imagine anything better in the whole world.

He had a reason to live again...

* * *

Translations 

knulla mig! = fuck me!  
Ryan ... du är ... så ... varmt! = Ryan ... you are ... so ... hot!  
Mig ... alltför = Me...too  
JÄVLA HELVETE! = FUCKING HELL!  
Fan = Fuck/Damn


End file.
